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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of finvoy fun farm and other funny jokes |
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Aardvark Joke
Why do aardvarks make undesirable neighbors? Because they always have their noses in other people's business!
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Space Joke
What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer.
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Dumb People Joke
Top honors for 'Human Projectile of the Month' go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual 'Darwin Award'. That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers from the Arizona Highway Patrol got on to this gallant if not brainless form of ballistic research after motorists reported some mysterious scorched and blackened scars on a stretch of deserted highway. The more officers found, the stranger the case got. Here is what they 'pieced' together: JATO units are basically huge canisters of solid rocket fuel used to achieve 'Jet Assisted Take Off', typically lifting big transport planes into the air from short, rough ground runways, or shooting overloaded planes from the decks of aircraft carriers. They were not, repeat NOT, designed to augment the inherent boost factor of a 1967 Chevy Impala. But it is guessed that -- let's call him 'Zippy' ---- didn't know that when he hooked one up to his ride. He apparently chose his runway carefully, selecting a nice long, lonely piece of straight highway in good repair. Not guessing that he might need a bit more than five miles of zoom surface, Zippy's test track had, that far down the track, a gentle rise on a sloping turn. He kicked the tire, lit the fire, ran his Chev up to top cruising speed, and hit the ignition. Investigators know exactly where this happened, judging from the extended patch of burned and melted asphalt. The pocket calculator boys figure Zip reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, punching the Chevy to 'well in excess of 350 miles per hour' and continued at 'full burn' for another 20 to 25 seconds. Early in that little sprint, at roughly 2. 5 miles down the road, the Human Hydro Shock stood on the brakes, melting them completely, blowing the tires and rapidly reducing all four skins to liquefied trails on the pavement. Remember that little rise on the turn? That's where Zippy concluded his land speed record attempt and went for airborne honors, ultimately reaching an altitude of 125 feet and still climbing when his flight was abruptly terminated. We'll never know how far or how high he might have gone. A cliff face of solid rock kind of got in his way, posing a serious reaffirmation of the law of physics vis-a-vis two chunks of matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time. He gave it hell though, blasting a 6-foot crater. The best modern forensic science could do was ID the car's make and model year. As for Zippy, only trace evidence of bone, teeth, and hair were found in the crater.
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Worlds Best Joke
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil. Devil: Why so glum?Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell. Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?Guy: Sure I love to drink. Devil: We'll you're gonna love Mondays, then. On Mondays that's all we do. Drink, Drink, Drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab. . . We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more. Guy: Gee, that sounds great. Devil: You a smoker?Guy: You better believe it. Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay. . . you're already dead!Guy: No way!Devil: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races; you name it. We've even opened up a Pai Gow poker table. Guy: Hmmm, I've never played pai gow before . . . Devil: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?Guy: Yes, I love drugs! You don't mean . . . Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of your head. You can do all the drugs you want. If you overdose? It's okay! You're already dead!!Guy: Yes! I never realized that hell was such a swinging place!!Devil: So. . . are you gay?Guy: Uh, no. Devil: Ooooh (grimaces), you are gonna HATE Fridays!
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Blonde Joke - 2
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
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American Joke
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and
orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately
gives him a verbal jab, 'They don't serve beer here, you moron!'
The German fellow felt embarrassed. However, he turned to the
New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to
chuckle.
'And what's so funny?' the New Yorker demands.
'Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You
came here for the food!'
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Very Silly Joke
Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A. M. radio? It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
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Bumper Stickers - 2
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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