|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of filthy one liners and other funny jokes |
|
Funny Kids Joke
How do fireflies start a race?Ready steady glow!
= = = = = = = = = =
Aardvark Joke
What do you call a three-footed aardvark?
A yardvark!
= = = = = = = = = =
Dumb People Joke
How do you make a Kleenex dance? But a little boogie in it.
= = = = = = = = = =
Elephant Joke
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers ? Cinderelephant !
= = = = = = = = = =
Dumb People Joke
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what and we'll get back you-know-when. Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible. I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person. HI. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message. I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it. . . I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing. Hi, I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up. 'Hi. Now you say something. ''Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. 'You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, 'We aren't in, leave a message. ' That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me. . . You have reached 934-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in 'as-is' condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work. Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you. I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. Hi. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI. You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you. Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't. Hi, This is Mike. Please leave a message as soon as possible and I'll get back to you at the sound of the tone. We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again. I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am. . . HI! Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to. . . I mean, do FOR you.
= = = = = = = = = =
Waiter Joke
Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir
= = = = = = = = = =
Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: Who are Sven War, Ollie Famine, Piter Pestilence, and Jergi Death?A: The four Norseman of the Apocolypse.
= = = = = = = = = =
Dog Joke - 2
Why did the dog jump into the sea? He wanted to chase the catfish!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
