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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of fashion fun games and other funny jokes |
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Spiked Humor
From Matt Groening's 'Big Book Of Hell', here are: 'Lies My Older Brother And Sister Told Me'. . . The Sleeping Alligator Story Older Bro/Sis: See this? He isn't stuffed, ya know. He's sleeping. You: Really? Bro/Sis: If you don't believe me, why don't you put your finger in his mouth?The Boy-Trap Warning Bro/Sis: Inside my closet, there's a little door, and behind that little door, there's a boogey-man, and he's set traps in there, little boy traps. You: Really? Bro/Sis: And they're baited with CUSTARD. You: Uh-oh. The Alphabet Trick Bro/Sis: You can come up in the tree fort if you can recite the whole alphabet. You: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y and Z. Bro/Sis: Wrong. Scram. The Yes-And-No Mind Puzzler Bro/Sis: Yes means no and no means yes. Do you want me to hit you? You: Yes! No! Yes! No! Help!The Lure Of New Toys Bro/Sis: There's some new toys for you down in the basement. You should go down there. You: But last time you shut the door and turned off the lights. Bro/Sis: This time we won't. The Snowflake Story Bro/Sis: Well I'll be!! Identical snowflakes!! You: Lemme see!! Lemme see!! Bro/Sis: Too late. They melted. The Movie Switcheroo You: Hey!! This isn't Bambi!! Bro/Sis: This's better'n Bambi. The Elf Bro/Sis: I'd like you to meet Tom. You: I don't see anybody. Bro/Sis: Tom's invisible. You: Oh sure. Bro/Sis: He's an elf. If you're nice to him, he'll give you three wishes. You: Hi, Tom. The Family Reunion, 20 Years Later Bro/Sis: I don't remember doing any of that stuff to you. Other Bro/Sis: Me neither.
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Dumb Men Joke
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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Vampire Joke
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy ? Something you wouldn't want to unwrap !
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Strange Humor
A few years ago, we invited some friends over for a Christmas party. Many of my colleagues were there, and many of them are German. Helmut, Franz, and Rudolf were there. I was talking to Rudolf about his belief in the superiority of the communist party. I grew tired of the discussion so I motioned towards the window and commented on the weather, 'I believe it's snowing'. 'No, it looks too wet to be snow, ' he said. The argument went back and forth for a few minutes: rain, snow, rain, snow. . . Then my wife came over and settled the argument for us. She said: 'Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!'
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Sporting Joke
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Cubs fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they're Cubs fans, too. Not really knowing what a Cubs fan is but wanting to be just like their teacher, the students launch their hands into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception: A girl named Lucy doesn't go along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she's decided to be different. 'Because I'm not a Cubs fan,' Lucy says.
'Then what are you?' asks the teacher. 'Why, I'm proud to be a Sox fan,' boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she's a Sox fan. 'Well, my mom and dad are Sox fans, so I'm a Sox fan, too. ' The teacher is now very angry. 'That's no reason!' she says loudly. 'What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?' Lucy pauses, then smiles. 'Why, then,' Lucy says, 'I'd be a Cubs fan. '
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Salesmen Joke
Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator? Customer: No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.
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Military Joke
Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
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Idiot and fool Joke
Henderson bought a new car and, after he left the showroom, decided to catch a movie. When he came out, Henderson noticed he'd locked the car and left the keys in the ignition. He telephoned the dealer. 'Which is the cheapest window to break?' he asked. 'You don't have to break any of the windows, ' explained the dealer. 'I'll come right down with another key and we can open it together. ' 'No, no!' shouted the new car owner. 'I gotta know now! It's about to rain and I wanna put the top up!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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