|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of family fun day and other funny jokes |
|
Naughty Joke
How does Herpes leave the hospital?On crotches.
= = = = = = = = = =
Miscellaneous Joke
25 rules for Women to follow:1. Sports Center starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister. Do not bother me!!2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game DO, in fact, constitute going out to dinner. 3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew, Banana Republic or the local Patagonia store. 4. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work? 5. Butthead is the smart one. 6. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear? 7. You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about. 8. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about 'us' and 'the relationship. '9. Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping. 10. Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars and picking out the beer. 11. Socks never constitute a gift. 12. Department stores and malls were designed so that when you want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always some speakers, tires or sporting equipment nearby. 13. We don't know anything about handbags. Don't even ask. 14. We DID water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens. 15. Even if you think he's cute, Kevin Costner can't act. 16. Of course, neither can Elle McPherson, but she had the good sense to make the movie 'Sirens' rather than 'Waterworld. '17. Curley is the bald one. 18. Compromise does not mean that we abandon our position in favor of yours. 19. Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan. Just accept that. 20. It is neither in your interest nor ours to take The Quiz together. 21. Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn, Cal Ripken, David Robinson, Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Farley, don't expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to. 22. Sex on a weeknight is generally welcome. Three hours of post-coital conversation is not. 23. Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets to a ball game are even better. 24. No, you can't have the remote control. 25. If you must take us with you into Victoria's Secret, never, ever leave us alone. All the old fat ladies make mean faces at us and only add to our discomfort.
= = = = = = = = = =
Spiked Humor
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign at a hotel. 'Help! We need inn-experienced people. ' Sign in a science teacher's room: 'If it moves, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. ' Sign in butchers window: 'Pleased to meat you. ' Sign on auto body shop: 'May we have the next dents?' Sign at the dry cleaner's window: 'Drop your pants here. ' Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: 'Reserved for plant manager. ' Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: 'The manager has personally passed all the water served here. ' Sign in a Norwegian lounge: 'Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. ' Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: 'Please do not disturb further. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Computing Joke
Microsoft vs. GMAt a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal. ' Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, 'Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?' And. . . 1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too. 4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT'. But, then you would have to buy more seats. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads. 6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower. 7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car default' warning light. 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. 9. The airbag system would say, 'Are you sure?' before going off.
= = = = = = = = = =
Joke for Holidays
What is the average number of times in a bachelor's life that his bed is made?Once, when it was still in the factory.
= = = = = = = = = =
Stupid Men
'Well, he's obviously a sincere man,' said the first woman.
'How can you tell?'
'Who would pretend to act like an asshole?'
= = = = = = = = = =
Old People Joke
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall, an old man jumps out of a room and says, 'Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?' She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way. Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, 'Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?' She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way. She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again, he jumps out. He's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, 'Oh, no, not the Breathalyzer again!'
= = = = = = = = = =
Christmas Joke - 1
In a small southern town there was a 'Nativity Scene' that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a 'Quik Stop' on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, 'You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!' I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said 'See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar. ''
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
