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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of false teeth jokes and other funny jokes |
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Dumb People Joke
It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully). The 1997 nominees are: NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. NOMINEE No. 2 [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, '34
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Situations Humor
A woman enters a butcher shop and asks the counter assistant, 'Do you have pigs ears?'The counter assistant replies, 'No, its just the way my hair is parted!'
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Joke for Halloween
There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hotsummer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a bigbundle of wire. 'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that wire?''Well, ' the kid drawls, 'this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here'schicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!''You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!''Sure I can!' the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back atthe end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickenscaught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kidcomes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. 'Hey kid!' the farmer yells. 'Where ya goin' with that tape?' 'Well, thishere ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catchme some ducks!''You can't catch ducks with duck tape!' the farmer yells back. 'Sure Ican!' the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the endof the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had awhole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape. The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comeswalking down the road carrying a stick. 'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that stick?''Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's pussy willow. ''Hang on, ' the farmer says, 'I'll get my hat. '
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Clinton Joke
A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians he buries them. The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. 'So you buried all the politicians?' asked the police officer. 'Were they all dead?' The farmer answered, 'Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie. '
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Naughty Joke
Q: Why did the Priest go to Walmart?A: He wanted to get boys pants 'half' off!
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Humor Joke
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, 'Give me six double vodka. 'The barman says, 'Wow! you must have had one hell of a day. ' 'Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay. 'The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, 'I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!'On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said 'Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?''Yeah, my wife!'
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Insect Joke
What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day ? Turns over a new leaf !
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War Joke
The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to three of them. They called Congress and asked them to voteon a method of determining each General's early retirementbonus. After voting Congress decided that each man would choose two points of their body to measure between and then each man would be paid $'10
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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