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5QS |
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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of englishmen jokes and other funny jokes |
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Politics Humor
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, 'Are you ready to order?'Clinton replies, 'Yes, I'd like a quickie. ''A quickie?!?' the waitress replies. 'Sir, given the currentsituation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu. 'She walks away. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, 'It's pronounced Quiche. 'Sent by Gail
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Elephant Joke
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red ? So he could hide in the cherry tree !
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Bumper Stickers - 5
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
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Yo Mama Joke
Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon. Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
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Dumb Joke
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. 'Isn't it true, ' he bellowed, 'that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?' The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question. 'Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?' the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, 'Sir, please answer the question. ' 'Oh, ' the startled witness said, 'I thought he was talking to you. '
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Situations Humor
The Pilots One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the co pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain: 'You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!'
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Famous Joke
Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer. He was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they called his two buddies Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to I. D. him. Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. 'Yep, he's got burned up purdy bad. Roll 'im over, ' said Jim-Bob. The mortician rolled him over, Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, 'Nope, dat ain't Bubba. ' Not saying anything, but finding it a bit strange, the mortician brought in Billy-Joe to I. D. the body. 'Yep, he's burned up real bad. Roll 'im over, ' said Billy-Joe. The mortician rolled him over, Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, 'Dat ain't Bubba. ' 'How can you tell?' asked the mortician. 'Cause Bubba had two assholes, ' replied Billy-Joe. 'Two assholes? That's impossible!' said the mortician. 'Yep. Everyone in town knowed Bubba had two assholes, cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would yell, 'here comes Bubba with them two assholes!'
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Top 100 Joke
What goes 'errr, ohhh, errr, ohhh, errr, ohhh? A blonde at ablinking red light!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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