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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of engine oil change and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Holidays
A man asked his wife, 'What would you most like for your birthday?'She said, 'I'd love to be ten again. 'On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a movie theater, more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, 'Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?'One eye opened and she groaned, 'Actually I meant dress size. '
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Travel Humor
One day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around. He says 'Hey Paco, you shit your pants?' Paco says 'No, Pablo, I did not shit my pants. ' He believes him and they keep riding. As they go on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Pablo stops his horse and turns around. He then says 'Paco, Are you sure you did not shit your pants?' Pablo says 'Yes Pablo, I am sure I did not shit my pants. ' He says 'Ok. ' They keep going and now the smell is getting to be unbearable. Pablo is swatting the flys away. Pablo stops his horse and gets of his horse. He then says 'Paco, get of your horse. Paco, pull down your pants. Paco, I thought you said you did not shit your pants?' Paco replies 'I thought you meant today!'
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Mouse Joke
Do you know what a mice said when it saw a bat? Mom ! I see an angel.
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Friendship Joke
A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these on-line dating services. I asked him the other day if he had had any luck and he said he'd quit -- seems they'd matched him up with his wife.
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Travel and tourist Joke
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. 'Is it true, ' he asked, 'that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?' 'That depends, ' replied the guide, 'on how fast you carry the flashlight. '
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Various animal Joke
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. 'There' says the vet, ' Your hamster is dead'. Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. 'It's definitely dead sir', says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. 'That will be L'1000
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Women Joke
Q: Why is a modem better than a woman? A: A modem doesn't mind if you talk to other modems. A modem doesn't complain if you sit and play at the computer all night. A modem will sit patiently and wait by the phone. A modem comes with an instruction manual.
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Village Idiot Joke
-How do you get down from an elephant?You don't. You get down from a duck. -Why did the elephant paint himself all different colors?So he could hide in the crayon box. -Why do elephants have wrinkles?Because they are so hard to iron. -Why did the elephant p
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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