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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of emtel fun and other funny jokes |
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Sport Joke
Golfer: 'Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!' Caddy: 'This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!'
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Naughty Joke
One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out. 'Greetings, Miss Lewinsky, ' the genie said. 'Since you have released me, I will grant you one wish. ''Well, ' Monica replied, 'I'm going to be on television alot for a while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love handles. ''Your wish is my command, ' said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of smoke. . . And her ears promptly fell off.
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Clinton Joke
One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. 'George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?' Clinton asked. 'Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did, ' advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. 'Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?' Clinton asked. 'Cut taxes and reduce the size of government, ' advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. 'Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?' Clinton asked. Abe replied, 'Go to the theater. '
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Ethnic Humor
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, 'How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?'The old man looked around and lowered his voice. 'I'll tell you, Rabbi, ' he whispered. 'When I got to be '90
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Fishing Joke
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth. . .
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Not all who wander are lost.
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Animal World
A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years andtells the priest he's been having sexual intercourse with a pig eversince his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether thepig is a male or female. 'No! I'm not doing it anymore!' says the farmer. 'And the pig is afemale, of course. What the hell do you think I am -- a goddam queer?
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War Joke
A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. 'Sergeant-Major!' the colonel shouted. 'Give this man 30 dayscompassionate home leave. ''Yessir, ' the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. 'Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 dayscompassionate home leave, ' the Colonel barked. A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry. 'Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given thisman two compassionate home leaves?''Yessir, ' the Sgt. Major replies. 'Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?' the Colonel asks. The Sgt. Major salutes and says, 'Sir. It's you he's fond of. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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