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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of emily the strange uk and other funny jokes |
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Dirty Joke
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that 'love handles' referred to her ears?
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Cat Joke
When the cat's away. . . . . ? The house smells better !
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Fishing Joke
How do you tune a fish? With its scales!
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Gorilla Joke
How did a Gorilla come to be with Washington at Valley Forge? He had seen a sign saying, 'Uncle Simian Wants You!'
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Job and Office Joke
What happens when people of different occupations get old. - Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance. - Old actors never die, they just drop apart. - Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver. - Old architects never die, they just lose their structures. - Old bankers never die, they just lose interest. - Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling. - Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off. - Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures. - Old bosses never die, much as you want them to. - Old cashiers never die, they just check out. - Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive. - Old chemists never die, they just fail to react. - Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket. - Old cooks never die, they just get deranged. - Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged. - Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties. - Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience. - Old electricians never die, they just lose contact. - Old farmers never die, they just go to seed. - Old garagemen never die, they just retire. - Old hackers never die, they just go to bits. - Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips. - Old hippies never die, they just smell that way. - Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot. - Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe. - Old investors never die, they just roll over. - Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed. - Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils. - Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent. - Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal. - Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under. - Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate. - Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey. - Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor. . . - Old musicians never die, they just get played out. - Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime. - Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed. - Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot. - Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces. - Old perfessers never die, they just lose their class. - Old photographers never die, they just stop developing. - Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane. - Old policemen never die, they just cop out. - Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on. . . . - Old printers never die, they're just not the type. - Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address. - Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse. - Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away. - Old schools never die, they just lose their principals. - Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles. - Old seers never die, they just lose their vision. - Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away. - Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings. - Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy. - Old Soldiers never die. Young ones do. - Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper. - Old students never die, they just get degraded. - Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding. - Old typists never die, they just lose their justification. - Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation. - Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged. - Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.
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Government Humor
Why did the chicken cross the road?BILL CLINTON: Let me say this one more time. I did not have sexual relations withthat chicken.
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Business Joke
The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, 'Can you float alone?' 'Obviously, ' the banker replied, 'but this is a heck of a time to talk business. '
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Bumper Stickers - 3
huked on foniks werkd fer me
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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