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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of emily the strange posters and other funny jokes |
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Dog Joke - 1
What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater ? A plain clothes police dog !
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Doctor and nurse Joke
The seven-year old girl told her mom, 'A boy in my class asked me to play doctor. ' 'Oh, dear, ' the mother nervously sighed. 'What happened, honey?' 'Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company. '
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Fishing Joke
Retired colonel, talking of the good old days: Have you ever hunted bear? His grandson's teacher: No, but I've been fishing in shorts.
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Computing Joke
They would market the Reverse Polish Ornament, which is put in your attic on the weekend after Thanksgiving, and placed out for viewing the day after the January Bowl Games.
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Travel and tourist Joke
A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill and were surprized to find they owe $3000. 'How's this? We've only been here one night!' the man was annoyed. 'So?', said the manager, 'this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up. ' 'But we didn't use any of these!' explained the couple. 'If you didn't use - That's your problem, ' came the reply. 'In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill, ' said the man. 'What do you mean?' the manager was taken off guard, 'I didn't sleep with your wife!' 'If yo u didn't use - That's your problem!'
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Love and Marriage Joke
Nikhil and Mona were newlyweds. Nikhil thought this would be a modern marriage, meaning they would each play equal roles. So, the first morning after their honeymoon, he brought Mona breakfast in bed.
However, Mona wasn't at all impressed by his culinary skills. Looking disdainfully at the tray, she snorted, 'A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!'
Undaunted, the following morning, Nikhil brought his new bride a scrambled egg.
Unfortunately, Mona wasn't satisfied. 'Did you ever stop to think that perhaps I like variety?' she snapped. 'I wanted poached this morning!'
Determined to please her, the next morning, he brought her two eggs…. one poached and one scrambled.
'Here, my darling, enjoy,' he said cheerfully.
Mona was infuriated. 'You scrambled the wrong egg!' she screamed.
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Insect Joke
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag ? They can lighten your load !
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Law Enforcement Joke
'The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile. '
'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired. '
'So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?'
'Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?'
'Warning! You want a warning? O. K. , I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '
'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?'
'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven. '
'Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid. '
'In God we trust, all others are suspects. '
'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want. '
'Just how big were those two beers?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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