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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of ealing studios comedy and other funny jokes |
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Joke Online
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary 'tools' together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, 'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!!'Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice. Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, 'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!'The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice. The voice came once more, 'FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!'She stopped, looked skyward, and said, 'Is that you, Lord?' The voice replied, 'NO you idiot!. . . this is the Ice-Rink Manager. '
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Monster Joke
What should you call a polite, friendly, kind, good looking monster? A failure.
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Dumb Joke
A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class. The steward who checks tickets says, 'I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class. ''I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde. ' Well I'll get the pilot. The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says, ' What did you say?'The pilot simply says, ' I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!'
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Situation Joke
There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were thencaptured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisonersthat they could live if they pass the trial. First step of thetrial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten piecesof the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways togather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, 'I brought tenapples. ' The king then explains the trial to him. You have to shovethe fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'llbe eaten. The first apple went in. . . but on the second one he wincedout in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven. The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself thatthis should be easy. 1. . . 2. . . 3. . . 4. . . 5. . . 6. . . 7. . . 8. . . on theninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, 'Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?'The second one replied, 'I know, but I couldn't help it. I was doingjust great when all of a sudden that third guy showed up with allthose watermelons!'
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Yo momma Joke
your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Conga ! Conga who? Conga go on meeting like this !
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Bar Joke - 1
One day, this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. 'What's the matter?' the bartender asks. 'My wife and I got into a fight, ' explained the guy 'and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days. ' The bartender thought about this for a while. 'But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?' asked the bartender. ' Yeah, except today is the last night.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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