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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of dx funny moments and other funny jokes |
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Easy to Remember Joke
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital. 'How are you grandpa?' he asks. 'Feeling fine, ' says the old man. 'What's the food like?''Terrific, wonderful menus. ''And the nursing?''Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you. ''What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?''No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they ring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet . . . and that's it. I go out like a light. 'The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. 'What are you people doing, ' he says, 'I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?'Oh, yes, ' replies the Sister. 'Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed!'
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Bumper Stickers - 6
My child beat up your honor student!
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Various animal Joke
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ? Whale of fortune !
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Computer Joke
Profanity is the universal programming language
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Business Joke
Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done.
As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place.
The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract.
I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van.
I told them my fee: $45.
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Irish Joke
It was general question time on the 'Top of the World' quiz show and the host first asked the Hungarian contestant: 'Complete this line of a song and spell your answer - Old MacDonald had a . . . . ' The Hungarian answered quickly: 'Station - S T A T I O N. ' Next it was the Polish contestant who was asked the same question: 'Old MacDonald had a . . . . ' 'Ranch, ' was the reply, 'R A N C H. ' Finally the Irishman was asked the same question: 'Old MacDonald had a. . . . ' 'Farm, ' the Irishman proudly stated. 'Correct, ' said the host. 'Now spell the word farm. ' The Irishman thought for a moment. 'E I E I O. '
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Monster Joke
What did Frankenstein's monster say when he was struck by lightning? Thanks, I needed that.
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Dumb Joke
1. . . Silence, the final frontier - Where no woman has gone before. 2. . . The undiscovered side of Banking - How to make deposits. 3. . . Combatting the Imelda Marcos Syndrome - You don't need new shoes everyday. 4. . . Learn how not to inflict your Diets on other people. 5. . . Nag Nag Nag - how to overcome your tendency to be a fish wife. 6. . . An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit. 7. . . Man Management - Discover how the garbage can wait until after the game. 8. . . Personal Space - Leaving at least enough space in the bathroom cupboard for your partners toothbrush. 9. . . Valuation - Just because it's not important to you. 10. . Communication Skills I - Tears as the last resort and not the first. 11. . Communication Skills II - How to think before speaking. 12. . What he really wants - Is buying the right razor blades so difficult. 13. . Driving a car safely - A skill you can also acquire. 14. . Real women drink their share at a party. 15. . Telephones - How to hang up. 16. . Parking - Beginners Course. 17. . Parking (Advanced) - Reversing into a parking space. 18. . The Natural Habitat of the Towel - Why they prefer the floor. 19. . Managing your weight - It's not water retention, it's fat. 20. . Learning to cook I - Bran in not food. 21. . Learning to cook II - Bringing back bacon and eggs. 22. . Compliments - How to accept them gracefully. 23. . PMS - Your problem, not his.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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