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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of dress up games chat rooms and other funny jokes |
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Relationships Joke
Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. WOMAN: - - - silence - - - MAN: Oh Shit.
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Music Joke
Hey buddy. How late does the band play? About half a beat behind the drummer.
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Funny Joke - 50 best Joke
This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means 'F**k you!' in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge. The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.
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Bible Joke
A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, 'Sorry, no room. The hotel is full. ' The Jewish lady said, 'But your sign says that you have vacancies. ' The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, 'You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town. . . ' Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, 'I'll have you know I converted to your religion. ' The desk clerk said, 'Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?' Mrs. Rosenberg replied, 'He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem. ' 'Very good, ' replied the hotel clerk. 'Tell me more. ' Mrs. Rosenberg replied, 'He was born in a manger. ' 'That's right, ' said the hotel clerk. 'And why was he born in a manger?' Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly , 'Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!'
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Stand Up Joke
What is the newest game at the white house?Swallowing the leader!
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Dog Joke - 2
What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia? A puppy.
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Relationships Joke
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had movedinto the house next door. He was also quick to noticethat the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usuallyin a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair ofbreasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as muchas possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he couldstand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor'shouse, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. 'Excuse me', our man stammered, 'but I couldn't help noticing howbeautiful your wife is. ''Yeah? So?' his hulking neighbor replied. 'Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breastsare. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss thosebreasts. 'The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appearsand stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for afew moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside. 'OK, ' the husband says gruffly, 'for ten thousand dollars you can kissmy wife's tits. 'At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desirehang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rubhis face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed. 'Well, come on already, kiss 'em!' hegrowls. 'I can't' replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away. 'Why not?' demands the husband, getting really angry now. 'I don't have ten thousand dollars. '
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Bumper Stickers - 5
Life's expensive; drive defensive.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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