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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of dog jokes for kids and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I believe the Internet is an information source, not a lifestyle choice.
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Joke for Speeches
Women's Lifestyles Through the AgesAGE. . . DRINK17. . . Winecoolers25. . . White wine35. . . Red wine48. . . Dom Perignon66. . . Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaserEXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES17. . . Need to wash my hair25. . . Need to wash and condition my hair 35. . . Need to color my hair48. . . Need to have Francois color my hair66. . . Need to have Francois color my wigFAVORITE SPORT17. . . shopping25. . . shopping35. . . shopping48. . . shopping66. . . shoppingFAVORITE DRUG17. . . shopping25. . . shopping35. . . shopping48. . . shopping66. . . shoppingDEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE17. . . 'Burger King'25. . . 'Free meal'35. . . 'A diamond'48. . . 'A bigger diamond'66. . . 'Home Alone'FAVORITE FANTASY17. . . tall, dark and handsome25. . . tall, dark and handsome with money35. . . tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain 48. . . a man with hair66. . . a manHOUSE PET17. . . Muffy the cat25. . . Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat35. . . Irish setter and Muffy the Cat48. . . Children from his first marriage and Muffy theCat 66. . . Retired husband who dabbles in taxidermy and stuffs Muffy the CatWHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17. . . 17 25. . . 2535. . . 3548. . . 4866. . . 66IDEAL DATE17. . . He offers to pay25. . . He pays35. . . He cooks breakfast the next morning48. . . He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids 66. . . He can chew breakfast~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Men's Lifestyles Through the AgesDRINK at age. . . 17. . . Beer25. . . Beer35. . . Scotch48. . . Double scotch66. . . MaaloxSEDUCTION LINE at age. . . 17. . . My parents are away for the weekend. 25. . . My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35. . . My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48. . . My wife is away for the weekend. 66. . . My second wife is dead. FAVORITE SPORT at age. . . 17. . . Sex25. . . Sex35. . . Sex48. . . Sex66. . . NappingFAVORITE DRUG at age. . . 17. . . Pot25. . . Cocaine35. . . Really good cocaine48. . . Power66. . . AdvilDEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE at age. . . 17. . . Cop a feel25. . . Breakfast35. . . She didn't set back my therapy 48. . . I didn't bump into her kids. 66. . . An actual erectionFAVORITE FANTASY at age. . . 17. . . Thirdbase25. . . Airplane sex35. . . Menage a trois48. . . Taking her company public66. . . Swiss maid and/or Nazi love slaveHOUSE PET at age. . . 17. . . Roaches (to be burned later)25. . . Old college roommate35. . . Irish setter48. . . Children from her first marriage 66. . . BarbiTHE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED at age. . . 17. . . 2525. . . 3535. . . 4848. . . 6666. . . 17IDEAL DATE at age. . . 17. . . Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in 25. . . Split the check before we go back to my place 35. . . Just come over48. . . Just come over and cook66. . . Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas to see Frank
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say 'Hello'
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Sport Joke
Which insect didn't play well in goal? The fumble bee!
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School Joke for Kids
The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was toldby his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack. His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off. Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive. At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. 'I've got a difficult decision' the VP says, 'I either have to Lay You or Jack off. ''Oh? jack-off, ' Mary says, 'I've got a headache. '
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Horse Joke
A jockey in the unsaddling area of Huntingdon when his horse had trailed in at the back of the field says: 'That's not his trip, guv'nor, i think he'd get three miles. ' The trainer replied: 'Three miles, he wouldn't get three miles in a ****ing horse box. '
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Old Age Joke
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, 'I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?'
'About 35,' was the reply.
'I'm actually 47,' the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, 'Oh, you look about 29'.
'I am actually 47. '
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, 'I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age. '
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, 'Okay, it's done. You are 47. '
Stunned, the man says, 'That was brilliant. How did you do that?'
The old lady replies, 'I was behind you at McDonalds. '
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Dumb Joke
How do you confuse a woman?? Give her a choice!!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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