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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of dirty txt jokes and other funny jokes |
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Legal Humor
It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got toheaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them toget married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it andagreed, but said they would have to wait. It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent forthem. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things wenton, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together. They went back toSt. Peter, and said: 'We thought we would be happy forever, butnow we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is thereany way we can get divorced?' 'Are you kidding?' said St. Peter. 'It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marryyou. I will never get a lawyer!'
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Drunks Joke
The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the lasttest has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to thebathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bedup with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possiblyface. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bedsheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking bythe hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussingand swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard. The security guard ask:'What's going on?' To which the drunk replied: 'I just beat the shit outof a ghost. '
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Zoo Joke
When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit does he order? A zoo-t suit!
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Very Silly Joke
Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain or, having children will turn you into your parents.
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Law and Lawyer Joke
A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn't start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house. Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. 'Where are they, ' asked the driver. 'You mean to say that you don't know where the courthouse is?' asked the incredulous judge. 'The courthouse? Of course I know where that is. ' replied the driver. 'But I thought you said you wanted to go to the 'halls of justice. ''
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Naughty Joke
How do you re-sleeve a prostitue? - Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out.
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Weird Women Joke
What would you call a virgin on a water bed?A cherry float!
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Old Age Joke
An sad, old man sitting was sitting on a park bench when along came a police officer. The officer asked the old man why he was so upset.
The old man replied, 'Every morning I wake up with a wonderful 20 year old blonde. She cooks great meals including sausage, and bacon and everything I love. Then we make passionate love in bed. Afterwards, she gives me a bath, with handdrawn hot water, cooks me lunch and followed by more passionate love. In the evening, we'll have top the day off with a fantastic diner and yet more wonderful love.
The police officer gets a puzzled look on his face and asks, 'Well, what seems to be the problem?'
The old man replied with a sad look on his face, 'I can't remember where I live!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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