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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of dirty text message jokes and other funny jokes |
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Romance Joke
Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town. 'How'rethangs with y'all, Pete?' one asked. 'Not bad atall, ' Pete replied. 'My old woman ain't talkin' to me thiseyer week. . . and I ain't in no mood to interrupt her. '
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Waiter Joke
Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt! Yes sir, thats because it was only ground this morning.
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Money Joke
How can you be sure you have counterfeit money? If it's a three-dollar bill, you can be sure.
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Situation Joke
The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a womanjust passing and said, 'Pardon me, miss, do you happen to have the time?'In a strident voice she responded, 'How dare you make such a proposition tome?'The man snapped to attention in surprise and was uncomfortable aware thatevery pair of eyes in the place had turned in their direction. He mumbled, 'I just asked the time, miss. 'In a voice even louder, the woman shrieked, 'I will call the police if yousay another word!'Grabbing his drink, and embarrassed very nearly to death, the man hastenedto the far end of the room and huddled at a table, holding his breath andwondering how soon he could sneak out the door. Not more than half a minute had passed when the woman joined him. In aquiet voice, she said, 'I am terribly sorry, sir, to have embarrassed you, but I am a psychology student at the university and I am writing a thesison the reaction of human beings to sudden shocking statements. 'The man stared at her for three seconds, then he leaned back and bellowed, 'You'll do all that for me all night for just ten dollars?'
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Did you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian?He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.
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Dog Joke - 1
What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road ? A mutt in a rut !
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Rabbit Joke
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
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Friendship Joke
What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professionalman who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them onlybecause no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela LeeAnderson; Wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome offa flag pole. What men get: Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extralbs the moment after she says 'I Do', beginning with the wedding cake!What women want in bed: A passionate lover who takes the time to kissand gently caress, slowly building up to a wonderful joyous experiencetogether. What they get: 'Wham-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am!', Belch, Fart, ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzWhat men expect out of a marriage: 3 loving children who honor theirparents. What they get: 3 helions who are a combination of their parents everyfault and make their life a living hell. 1st anniversary card from husband to wife: 'My sweet loving wife. . . . Ihope this first year is a reflection of the next 60 years, you are my heartand soul, I am forever yours. '5th anniversary card: 'I love you so much honey. . . words cannot describe. '10th anniversary card: 'Hey, how's it hangin'? Love Ya'!!'15th anniversary card: 'Ummmmmmmmm. . . . . . 'sup?'16th anniversary card from wife to husband: 'You are hereby summonedto divorce proceedings. . . '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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