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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of dirty mobile jokes and other funny jokes |
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Practical Joke
1) I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!2) Shouldn't you be out drinking with your friends?3) Great fart!! Rip another one!4) Pet names are silly. I just call it my c*nt. 5) You should see the shit I just birthed. 6) I'd rather play Duke Nukem than go shopping. 7) Let's start subscribing to Hustler. 8) Would you like to see a video of me going down on my friend?9) I'll swallow it all. I love the taste of it!10) Are you sure you've had enough to drink? I'm buying.
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Funniest Joke
Bill's SongThis should be sung to the tune 'A Few of My Favorite Things' from the movie 'The Sound of Music'The Bill Clinton version:My Favorite ThingsBlow jobs and land deals in backwater places, Big Macs and french fries and girls with big faces, Lots of nice cleavage that makes willie spring, These are a few of my favorite thingsSusan McDougal and Gennifer Flowers, Horny young interns who while 'way the hours, Profits from futures that Hillary brings, These are a few of my favorite thingsWhen that Jones bites, When Ken Starr stings, When I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel so badBeating the draft board and getting elected, Naming to judgeships some hacks I've selected, Conspiracy theories that blame the right wing, These are a few of my favorite thingsGolfing with Vernon and suborning perjury, Falling down drunk that required knee surgery Stars in the White House who come here to sing, These are a few of my favorite thingsMeeting with Boris and Helmut and Tony, States of the Union with lots of baloney, Winning debates and the joy of my flings, These are a few of my favorite things
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Kids Puns
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. 'You've got to have a room somewhere, ' he pleaded. 'Or just a bed, I don't care where. ''Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy, ' admitted the manager, 'and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you. ''No problem, ' the tired Marine assured him. 'I'll take it. 'The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. 'How'd you sleep?' Asked the manager. 'Never better. 'The manager was impressed. 'No problem with the other guy snoring, then?''Nope, I shut him up in no time. ' Said the Marine. 'How'd you manage that?' asked the manager. 'He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room, ' the Marine explained. 'I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful, ' and he sat up all night watching me. '
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: What did the Egyptian man say to the Egyptian woman? A: 'Come behind the pyramid, and I'll make you a mummy!'
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Sports Humor
A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, 'I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I'm really curious. . . What does Hell look like?' So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, 'I'll tell you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are officially entered into Heaven. Come with me. ' And so Saint Peter lead the man to an elevator and said, 'Take this elevator to the very bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like, but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator. ' The man said 'Thank you' and then climbed into the elevator and hit the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the elevator the doors opened and the man peered out. Before him was a lifeless frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains of ice through blankets of snow. Remembering what Saint Peter said, the man quickly pushed the button for the top floor, the doors closed and he traveled back up to Heaven. After returning to Heaven the man approached Saint Peter and said, 'I'm ready to enter into Heaven now, but before I do I have just one more question. ' 'Go ahead', replied Saint Peter, and so the man asked, 'I thought Hell would be fire and brimstone, but instead all I saw was snow and ice. Is that what it's really like?' Saint Peter thought about this for a second and finally answered, 'Snow and ice, huh. I guess the Denver Broncos finally won the Super Bowl !!'
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Love and Marriage Joke
If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you, what have you usually done wrong? Made her chain too long.
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Bird Joke
Why did the chicken cross the road in Missouri? To show the opossum it could be done.
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Various animal Joke
How does an octopus go to war ? Well-armed !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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