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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of dirty medical jokes and other funny jokes |
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Letter Joke
I got an anonymous letter today. Oh, really - who was it from?!
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Gorilla.
Gorilla who?
Gorilla cheese sandwich for me and I'll be right over.
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Dog Joke - 1
Do Chihuahuas have horns?
Many have violins but very few have horns!
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so ugly she got beat up by her imaginary friends
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Free Adult Joke
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. An XT clone in a Pentium zone. Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped. Answers the door when the phone rings. Any slower and he'd be in reverse. -- Gignac As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot. As bent as a corkscrew. As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb. As happy as if he had brains. As happy as the village idiot. As much use as a back pocket in a vest. (Very English. ) As much use as a lead parachute. As quick as a corpse. As rare as a nine bob note. (Very English. ) As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart. As sharp as a sack full of wet mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest. As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script. As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly. As thick as champ. (Irish champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage. ) As thick as two short planks / two half bricks. As worn out as a cucumber in a convent. Attic's a little dusty. Back burners not fully operating. Bad spot on the disk. Baler done run out of twine. Bandwidth limited. Barney's his hero. Bats have flown the belfry, and now he's all alone. Bats in the belfry.
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Top 100 Joke
Some actual product warning labels:On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. (duh!)On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Makes sense. . . except these instructions we're IN THE BOX!)In some countries (like W. Virginia:), on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. ( Now THAT I'd like to see! )On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on BOTTOM of the box) * DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (oops. . . Too late! You lose!)On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment. )On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to what. . . use in outer space?)On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm sure glad they cleared that up. )On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
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Instrument Joke
The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like 'two skeletons making love on a tin roof'.
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Bed Joke
What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on? Cot-on-wool.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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