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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of diarrhoea jokes and other funny jokes |
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Internet Joke
What do internet football fans sing? E we go E we go, E we go!
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Horse Joke
A man wakes up in the morning and it is 5:55 a. m. The temperature is 55 degrees and the humidity is 55%. He turns on his TV to channel 5. He gets up and it is May 5th. He heads to work and his car has 55,555. 5 miles on the odometer. He gets to work goes to the 5th floor. He has five messages. IT DAWNS ON HIM. He rushes to the race track. His ticket is $5 and he is put in section 5, row 5, seat 5. In the fifth race is a horse called, 'Double Nickels'. He understands fate as spoken. He bets his entire bank account and maxes all credit cards. The race is won. . . DOUBLE NICKELS CAME IN FIFTH.
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Instrument Joke
While at a concert being performed by a very bad orchestra, George Bernard Shaw was asked what he'd like them to play next. 'Dominoes, ' he replied.
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Clinton Joke
Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to commemorate President Clinton's election? A: It's gonna be called the Dodge Drafter!
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Travel and tourist Joke
A traveller pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm. 'Fancy meeting my wife here, ' he says to the clerk. 'Guess I'll need a double room for the night. ' Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $3000. 'What's the meaning of this?' he yells at the clerk. 'I've only been here one night!' 'Yes, ' says the clerk, 'but your wife has been here for three weeks. '
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Doctor Joke
Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, 'I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment. '
'So what makes you think your doctor is any better?' asked his friend.
'Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney ailment, you can be sure you'll die of a kidney ailment. '
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Funny Famous Joke
A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him 'What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?' The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, 'A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street. ' Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, 'Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven. ' The Lawyer said, 'Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter. ' Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified. Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, 'Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?' Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, 'Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell. '
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Kids Fairy Tale Joke
What did Little Red Riding-Hood say when she saw the big, bad wolf?
There's the big, bad wolf!
Who shouted 'Knickers!' at the big, bad wolf?
Little Rude Riding Hood!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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