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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of deal or no deal for fun and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke - 2
What is the ultimate rejection?When you are masturbating and your hand falls asleep!
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Love and Marriage Joke
A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. -- GuitryAh Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. -- BorgeAlways talk to your wife while you're making love. . . if there's a phone handy. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha ChristieAnd I shall love thee still my dear, Until my wife is wise. Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie. Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- SocratesCorrection: Instead of being arrested, as we stated, for kicking his wife down a flight of stairs and hurling a lighted kerosene lamp after her, the Rev. James P. Wellman died unmarried four years ago.
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Blonde Joke - 2
Q: What did the dumb blonde say when told that 'Scheherezade' was composed by Rimsky-Korsakov ? A: 'Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!?'
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Medicine Joke
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one daycomplaining about Nurse Jenny. 'She's incrediblydumb. She does everything absolutely backwards. 'said one doctor. 'Just last week, I told her togive a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!' The second doctor said, 'That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her togive a patient an enema every 24 hours. She triedto give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearlyexploded!'Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream fromdown the hall. 'Oh my God!' said the first doctor, 'I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prickMr. Smith's boil!'
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Worst Joke
On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their county got it's name. Below is his explanation. . . There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada. 'You know, ' said the first explorer, 'we should name this place we're hiking through. ''I agree, ' said the second explorer. 'Great idea' quipped the third explorer. 'We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that. ''Okay, ' said the third, 'I'll go first. C, eh. 'The second said: 'N, eh. 'The first. . . 'D, eh. 'And now you know the story.
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Law Enforcement Joke
In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation. In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even. At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable. In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free. At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years. In prison, all your medical care is free. At home, you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you before you die. In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up. At home, you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave. In prison, you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day. At home, you get to clean your space and everyone else's space, too, and what the heck is free time again? In prison, you get your own personal toilet. At home, you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you're done so you can do something for them. In prison, the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes. At home, you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else's, and get yelled at because somebody's favorite shirt isn't clean. In prison, they take you everywhere you need to go. At home, you take everybody else where they need to go. In prison, the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing. At home, you have to lug around everybody else's stuff in your purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar. In prison, there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn't. At home. . . . stop me when I get to the downside of jail, will ya?
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Medical Joke
So the doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live. But the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor giveshim another six months.
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Police Joke
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The 'disturbance' turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, 'I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini. ' The giant nodded. 'If I had some chains, ' the deputy continued, 'you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?' Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. 'I can't get out of these, ' the giant growled. 'Are you sure?' the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. 'Nope, ' he replied. 'I can't do it. ' 'In that case, ' said the deputy, 'you're under arrest. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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