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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of dawson strange photography and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke - 1
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, 'Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me. '
So the Doberman says, 'I love liver and cheese. ' The Collie replies, 'That's not good enough. '
The Bulldog says, 'I hate liver and cheese. ' She says, 'That's not creative enough. '
Finally, the Chihuahua says, 'Liver alone . . . cheese mine. '
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Birthday Joke
A man asked his wife, 'What would you most like for your birthday?' She said, 'I'd love to be ten again. ' On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, 'Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?' One eye opened and she groaned, 'Actually, honey, I meant dress size!'
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Family Comedy Joke
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow, green, orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes. The old man just stared at him. The boy said, 'What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?'The old man answered, 'Well yes, actually I have. I once got drunk and screwed a parrot. . . I was just wondering if you were my son!'
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Snowman Joke
Why was the snowman's dog called Frost? Because Frost bites.
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Business Joke
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, 'your first job will be to sweep out the store. ' 'But I'm a college graduate, ' the young man replied indignantly. 'Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that, ' said the manager. 'Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how. '
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Useful Phrases to Know When Travelling in the Middle EastAKBAR KHALI_KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun. FEKR GABUL ORADAN DAVAT PAEH CUSH DIVAR I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart. SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH DEH GOFTEH BANDE I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life. AUTO ARREREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH HAST It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car. FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN If you will do me the kindness of not harming by genitel appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public. MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLEIEH, GHORBAN The red blindfold will be lovely, excellency. TIEKH NUNEH OB KHREELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I really must have the recipe. Regards, MPAGE@bcsc02. gov. bc. ca BCSC / DNS
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Monster Joke
How does a monster begin a fairy tale? 'Once upon a slime . . . '
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School Joke
One morning a mother was trying to wake up her son. 'Wake up now! It's time to go to school. '
'I don't want to go to school,' the son replied.
His mother said, 'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school. '
'Okay. One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me. '
'Not good enough,' the mother replied.
'Fine,' the son said. 'Then you give me two good reasons why I SHOULD go to school. '
'One, you're 50 years old. Two, you're the principal of the school. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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