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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of david deangelo cocky comedy and other funny jokes |
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Weather Joke
Why can't meteorologists forecast the weather? -They are too busy studying comets and meteors
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Funny Kids Joke
What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?Time to fix the fence!What's grey, stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet?An elephant with an umbrella!What' s grey with red spots?An elephant with the measles!Why does an elephant wear sneakers?So that he can sneak up on mice!What's big and grey and wears a mask?The elephantom of the opera!What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour?A jet propelled elephant!Why did the elephant cross the road?Because the chicken was having a day off!What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?Lost!Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?Because they couldn't hold their trunks up!
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Sad Joke
Your momma's so fat the only time she sees '90210' is when she's on a scale.
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Sporting Joke
He wore number 53. Unfortunately, that was his combined SAT score.
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Bar Joke - 1
Who you calling chicken? A chicken walks into a bar.
The bartender says 'We don't serve poultry!'
The chicken says 'That's OK I just want a drink. '
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Humor Joke
Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*. . . he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, 'Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead of just driving off. . . . ' 'Not so fast', says she. 'How do you know it was our cat? Could youdescribe him? What does he look like?' The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said 'He looks like thts'as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression. 'Oh no, you *horrible* man', she replied. 'I meant, what did he look like*before* you hit him?' At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed'Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!'
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Blonde Joke - 2
I looked into a blonde's eyes, but all I saw was the back of her head!
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Priceless Joke
The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude. It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, 'If that thing was full of ice cream, I'd eat every bite. 'Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it. The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he didn't go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman right in the nose. 'Well', the husband replied, 'There are three reasons I won't punch that guy in the nose. First of all, you shouldn't have even been shopping for shoes, since you have a whole wardrobe full of them. Secondly, you have no business going shopping with no knickers on. But most of all, I'm not going to punch anyone who's big enough to eat that much ice cream!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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