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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of copter silly but addictive and other funny jokes |
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Naughty Joke
A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along verywell, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartmentfor a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, heasked if he could give her an old fashioned kiss. Her reply was 'At atime like this you want me to change positions?'
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Technology Joke
A traveling salesman's car breaks down, and he walks overto a near by farm. He knocks on the door and the farmerappears. 'Excuse me sir, but my car broke down about a mile downthe road, and I was wondering if you had a place I could stay, just until morning, and I. . . . . ' The farmer says, 'Well, I can let you sleep in the barn, butyou'll have to sleep with my two sons. . . . ' The salesman says, 'Sons! I must be in the wrong joke!'
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Political Joke
'Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. ' --President Gerald Ford 'My fellow astronauts. . . '--Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration. 'Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life. '--Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty. 'China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese. '--Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President 'I stand by all the misstatements. '--Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes 'Gerald Ford was a Communist'--Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'. 'Outside of the killings, Washington D. C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. '--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D. C. 'We found the term 'killing' too broad. '--State Department spokesperson on why the word 'killing' was replaced with 'unlawful or arbitrary deprivation of life' in its human rights reports for 1984-5 'This is a great day for France!'--President Richard Nixon while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral 'This is the worst disaster in California since I was elected. '--California Governor Pat Brown, discussing a local flood 'It's not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a television talkshow host. '--James Baker, televangelist. 'The chairs in the cabin are for the ladies. Gentlemen are not to make use of them till the ladies are seated. '--Instructions posted in a river cruise ship, Suir River, Ireland. 'The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for the police. '--U. S. Commerce Department spokesman on a regulation allowing the export of various products abroad. 'What he does on his own time is up to him. '--Harlon Copeland, Sheriff of Bexar County, Texas, when one of his deputies was caught exposing himself to a child. 'Facts are stupid things. '--Ronald Reagan, misquoting John Adams in a speech to the Republican convention.
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Joke for Kids
A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:'I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses. 'Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:'I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. . . Lead us not into temptation. '
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Military Joke
This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November '10
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
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Old People Joke
A story I'll tell of a burglar boldWho started to rob a house;He opened the window, and then crept inAs quiet as a mouse. He looked around for a place to hide, 'Till the folks were all asleep, Then said he, 'With their moneyI'll take a quiet sneak. 'So under the bed the burglar crept;He crept up close to the wall;He didn't know it was an old maid's roomOr he wouldn't have had the gall. He thought of the money that he would steal, As under the bed he lay;But at nine o'clock he saw a sightThat made his hair turn gray. At nine o'clock the old maid came in;'I am so tired, ' she said;She thought that all was well that nightSo she didn't look under the bed. She took out her teeth and her big glass eye, And the hair from off her head;The burglar, he had forty fitsAs he watched from under the bed. From under the bed the burglar crept, He was a total wreck;The old maid wasn't asleep at allAnd she grabbed him by the neck. She didn't holler, or shout or call, She was as cool as a clam;She only said, 'The Saints be praised, At last I've got a man!'From under the pillow a gun she drew, And to the burglar she said, 'Young man, if you don't marry me, I'll blow off the top of your head!'She held him firmly by the neck, He hadn't a chance to scoot;He looked at the teeth and the big glass eye, And said, 'Madam, for Pete's sake, shoot!'
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Insect Joke
First Caribou: What well-known cartoon character do moths like a hole lot? Second Caribou: Micky Moth!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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