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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy writing secrets and other funny jokes |
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Dog Joke - 1
How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry about having soap flakes for breakfast? He foamed at the mouth.
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E-mail Joke
How do Indian chiefs send messages? By teepee-mail!
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Computing Joke
Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them. DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc. DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing. Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up. OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before you crash. Windows: Colorful airport terminal, friendly flight attendants, easy access to a plane, and an uneventful takeoff. Then, all in a sudden, boom! You blow up without any warning whatsoever. NT: The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows plane uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is a nightmare. Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can go anywhere they want and arrive in half the time, while the vast majority of passengers with coach tickets can't even get aboard. Unix: Everyone brings one piece of the plane. Then they go on the runway and piece it together, all the while arguing about what kind of plane they're building. CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13 airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you don't need to know where the airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you don't fly the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the real thing except that you don't go anywhere. But that's okay, because when the world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.
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Bird Joke
How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely ? With it's sparrowchute !
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Animal Joke
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, 'What are you doing?!!' The blind man replies, 'Just looking around. '
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American Joke
Bill Clinton is getting off a helicopter just infront of the
White House. 10,000 people are stood outside welcoming the
return of Bill from abroad.
Bill has two pigs, one under each arm.
A man in the crowd catches his attention and says, 'Nice pigs
sir. '
Bill smiles and says, 'These aren't pigs. These are Arkansas
Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hilary and one for Chelsea. '
The man repies, 'Nice trade Sir. '
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Joke for Speeches
Why can't the blonde put in a light bulb? Shey kept breaking them with the hammer.
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. 1 to hold the Diet Irn-Bru and the other to call on 'Daddddyyy'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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