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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy writing competition and other funny jokes |
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Letter Joke
What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope.
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Doctor Joke
This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, 'Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?'
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, 'Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight. '
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Spoof Joke
Mr. Richman has 3daughters. Their names are nobody, somebody and crazy. One day nobody and somebody are fighting over a fake eyebrow. Then crazywhen to the policeman and she said'Nobody and Somebody are fighting' Thenthe policeman look at her then he said 'What are youtalking about?' Then she said again 'Nobody and Somebody are fighting'Then the policeman said 'What? Are you crazy?' Then she said 'Yes but howdid you know my name?'
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Police Joke
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, 'It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go. ' The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, 'My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!'
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Horse Joke
What does ever horse and rider do at the same time? Grow old!
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Joke for Halloween
There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? The perfect woman. She's the only one that really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. * A Male's Response * So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
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Aardvark Joke
What does an aardvark use when he has a cold? An ant-ihistamine!
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Sport Joke
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. 'Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?' she asked the instructor. 'P-u-t-t is correct, ' he replied. 'Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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