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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy wigs and other funny jokes |
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Dieting Joke
Q: Did you hear about the fight in the biscuit tin?
A: The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon and made his breakaway in a taxi!
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Ethnic Joke - 2
What do you call Toys R' Us in the hood?We B Toyz N' Shit
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Dumb Men Joke
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds.
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Movie and TV Joke
Q: How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Nine. . . . . . . . one to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked.
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Farmer Joke
Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*. . . he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, 'Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead of just driving off. . . . ' 'Not so fast', says she. 'How do you know it was our cat? Could youdescribe him? What does he look like?' The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said 'He looks like thts'as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression. 'Oh no, you *horrible* man', she replied. 'I meant, what did he look like*before* you hit him?' At that, the man got up , covered his eyes with both hands and screamed'Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!'
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Joke for Speeches
A man calls his lawyers office. When the receptionist answers the phone he asks to speak to Mr. Taylor, his lawyer. The receptionist replies, 'I'm sorry, but Mr. Taylor died last week. ' The man says nothing and hangs up the phone. The next day he calls the office and again asks for Mr. Taylor. The receptionist says, 'Sir, I told you yesterday that Mr. Taylor has died. ' The man again says nothing and hangs up the phone. The next day he calls the office again and asks for his lawyer. The receptionist gets angry and says 'Sir, I have told you for two days that Mr. Taylor has passed away. Why do you continue to call?'The man then answers 'I like hearing good news when I call my lawyers office. '
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Practical Joke
'I got your community service right here pal!' 'Boy your chamber sure does look different with the lights on. ' 'You couldn't carry Wapner's gavel you moron!' 'You're not as easy to buy as others said you were. ' 'No you robe wearing geek. ' 'I don't suppose there's a 'You get me off, I get you off' type of deal out there?' 'Just out of curiousity, are you wearing pants?'
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Dirty Joke
A guy finally gets a date with an easy blonde. To prepare for the date he sunbathes in the nude on his roof, falls asleep and burns his manhood. He doesn't want to cancel so he slathers it with lotion and wraps it in gauze. The blonde shows up at his house, and he treats her to a home-cooked dinner. Afterwards they go to the living room to watch a movie. His manhood starts to bother him again so he excuses himself, goes into the kitchen, pours a glass of milk and immerses himself for immediate relief. The blonde, however, wanted to know what he was doing and walks in on him with his Johnson in the milk and exclaims, 'So that's how you guys load those things!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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