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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy videos online and other funny jokes |
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Business Joke
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, 'We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one. '
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, 'Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long. '
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Political Joke
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.
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Stand Up Joke
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?A: It takes too long to retrain them.
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Computing Joke
10. Accidental switch back to '19
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Christmas Joke - 1
Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell! Just take these pills - and, if they don't work, give me a ring!
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Mad Joke
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted!Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: How does a blonde part their hair? A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment? A: An IN-body experience!Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A1: She'd just dyed her hair. A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: When they're on their backs, they're screwed. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks 'Where did you get that?' A: The pig says, 'I won her in a raffle!'Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: She liked kids. . . Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
God Bless Our Troops.
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Spelling Joke
THE teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation. Mary went first. 'My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie. ' Next came Tommy. 'My dad is a banker, b-a-n-k-e-r, and if he were here, he'd give each of us a quarter. ' Third came Jimmy. 'My dad is an electrician. '' But after struggling through a number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else. She then turned to Johnny. 'My dad's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, ' Johnny said. 'And if he were here, he'd lay you 8 to 5 that Jimmy ain't never gonnaspell electrician. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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