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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy theatre panton st and other funny jokes |
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Funny Kids Joke
What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?It became a daddy short legs!
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Insect Joke
Why was the glow worm unhappy ? Because her children weren't that bright !
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Totally Strange Humor
The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. 'Please, ' protested the college President, 'you already make more than the entire History department. ''Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with, ' the coach blustered. 'Look. 'He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. 'Run over to my office and see if I'm there, ' he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. 'You're not there, sir, ' he reported. 'Oh, I see what you mean, ' conceded the President, scratching his head. 'I would have phoned. '
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Funny Famous Joke
Did you hear about the guy who got his vasectomy done at Sears? -Every time he gets a hard-on, the garage door goes up.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
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Old Age Joke
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again. 'To which the gentleman said, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
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Animal World
As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for months, found the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn, etc. The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified 'No dogs. ' Rather than go on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not tell the landlord about his dog (a golden retriever). All went well for months. Except for one thing: the family that lived downstairs had a rabbit that they kept in a cage in the garden area. One day, the father of the family walked into the garden to find the dog scratching at the cage, trying to get at the rabbit. He immediately went to the landlord and complained. The landlord threatened to kick Chuck out. But Chuck, being quite persuasive- and punctual with rent checks- convinced the landlord to keep him and his dog. On the condition that that Chuck keep his dog out of the garden area. Months went by with no incidence. However, his girlfriend stayed home sick at his place one day. She, not knowing the garden rule, let the dog out. Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found that the dog wasn't in the house. He opened the back door, and there at the steps was his dog. Dead rabbit in mouth. Needless to say, Chuck panicked. Not wanting to face certain eviction(and possible jail time), he took matters into his own hands. He bathed the dead rabbit, blow-dried its hair (OK he was desperate) and carefully placed the rabbit back in the cage. Natural causes, right? Nothing happened. After an excruciating week, he finally approached his neighbor one morning on the way to work. 'How is everything?' asked Chuck. 'We're moving' replied the man. 'This is a sick neighborhood. ' 'Why? What happened?' replied Chuck. The neighbor replied: 'Some sick bastard dug up our recently deceased rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put it back in its cage. '
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Humor Joke
True story:About a week ago, I broke my ankle (in three places) and was in the hospital for several days. My first night in the hospital, after having surgery to rejoin my bones with pins and plates and such, I was in a great deal of pain and quite immobile. My nurse for that first night was a very nice 50ish lady with a strong German accent. At one point in the middle of the night, she came in to give me a shot of morphine. She asked where I would like the shot and I pointed to my right thigh. I slid my blankets down and she lifted my gown. With my gown raised, she uttered the words, 'Okay, small prick, ' and proceeded with the injection. I'm still not sure whether her words were meant to warn me of the upcoming pain or as an editorial comment.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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