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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy theatre and other funny jokes |
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Fun Funny Joke
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket. 'Don't be afraid, darling, ' said the man. 'Wait until I tell you about this. ''Get out of here!' cried his wife. 'And take that sex maniac with you!'
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Food Joke
What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom? 'He's a real fun guy [fungi]. '
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Naughty Joke
I must take every precaution not to get pregnant, ' said Edna to Priscilla. 'But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy, ' Priscilla responded. 'He did. That's why I have to take every precaution. '
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Joke for Halloween
Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with 'Somebody's gonna get it tonight!' In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor. 'What you need, ' he said, 'is a female parrot too. I don't have one on hand, but I'll order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives. ' Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn't care for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn't her usual nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap. Then suddenly she heard the parrot screech and she knew that things hadn't changed. 'Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's gonna get it tonight!' the parrot said. The owl said, 'Who? Who?' And the parrot said, 'Not you, you big-eyed Son of a Bitch. '
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Bumper Stickers - 4
If life hands you a lemon, stuff your bra with it.
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? A: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.
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Funny Famous Joke
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, 'I know the whole truth' even when you don't know anything. The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, 'I know the whole truth. ' His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, 'Just don't tell your father. ' Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, 'I know the whole truth. ' The father promptly hands him $40 and says, 'Please don't say a word to your mother. ' Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, 'I know the whole truth. 'The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, 'Then come give your FATHER a big hug!'
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Men Joke
Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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