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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy tee shirts and other funny jokes |
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Cow Joke
Where does a cow stop to drink? The milky way!
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Monster Joke
How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster? On a piece rate.
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Free Adult Joke
If he gets any denser, the geocentric theory of the universe will come true. If he had a lobotomy he'd depressurize. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. If he had brains, he'd take them out and play with them. If he had console lights, we would see only the idle loop patterns. If he were any brighter he'd be in the visible spectrum. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. If her brains were put in a hummingbird, it would fly backwards. If his brain were a hard drive, it would back up on a single floppy. If his brains were money, he'd still be in debt. If his IQ was two points higher he'd be a rock. If ignorance were bliss, she'd be orgasmic. If it's not in his horoscope/tea leaves, he doesn't take it seriously. If she had a disk we could upgrade her with DOS 3. 0. If she was any dumber, she'd be a green plant. If stupidity were a crime, he'd be number one on the Most Wanted list. If the government ever declared war on stupidity, he'd get nuked. If there were a merciful God he'd be dead by now. If they each had half a brain, they'd still only have half a brain. If they knock heads, implosion will suck all the air out of the room. If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable. If you called him a wit, you'd be half right. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. Ignorant, and proud of it. Immune from any serious head injury. Immune to caffeine and all other stimulants. In a tub of Preparation H, he'd shrink down to thumb size. In his optimum environment, he'd be locked in a life and death struggle with mushrooms. In line for brains, thought they said pains, and said, 'No, thanks'.
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Funny Joke Online
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!' My friend replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor. 'Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?'He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service. '
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School Joke
Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the wife of a Sultan is called ?
Pupil: A sultana !
Teacher: Where are elephants found ?
Pupil: I don't know, they are so big I didn't think they could get lost !
Teacher: If you add 34,312 + 76,188, divide the answer by 3 and times by 4, what do you get ?
Pupil: The wrong answer !
Teacher: If there are seven flies a desk and I hit one with a ruler, how many are left ?
Pupil: Just the squashed one !
Teacher: I wished you would pay a little attention
Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can !
Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant ?
Pupil: Hong Kong
Teacher: Why do you say that ?
Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most dense !
Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read Shakespeare ?
Pupil: No
Teacher: What have you read then ?
Pupil: Umm, I've got red hair !
Teacher: In music, if 'f' means 'forte', what does 'ff' mean ?
Pupil: Eighty
Teacher: R-O-X does spell rocks?
Pupil: What does it spell then !
Pupil: Do hams grow on plants ?
Teacher: No, it's a meat
Pupil: So what's an ambush then !
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Legal Humor
A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's caris total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, 'What's happened to your car?''Well, ' the friend responses, 'I ran into a lawyer'. 'OK, ' says the man, 'that explains the blood. . . But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?''Well, I had to chase him all through the park. '
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Insect Joke
What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell? A hum dinger !
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Bumper Stickers - 5
I'm so hungry I am farting fresh air.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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