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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy store london tickets and other funny jokes |
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Bird Joke
A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot 'Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn round and and no matter what you hear I do not want you to turn back or I'll break your neck, do you understand?' The parrot reluctantly agrees. On returning from the wedding the parrot turns round as instructed, and behind him the bride and groom start to pack for the honeymoon. The wife however has packed too much and they can't get the case closed. 'Get on top and sit on it baby!' Says the man the woman does so and grunts and moans but can't shut the case. 'You get on top baby it might be better' Says the wife, so the man grunts and groans and tries his best but still cant shut the case. After a little thought the man says 'Ok we'll both get on top see if That's any better!' The parrot turns round and says 'Neck or no neck I have to see this!'
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School Joke for Kids
So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife's tits and says, 'If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows. 'He grabs her butt and says, 'If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens. 'The wife grabs the farmer's dick and says, 'And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother. '
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Village Idiot Joke
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?How do you get the 'Keep off the Grass' sign on the grass?How do you get off a non-stop flight?How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?How do you throw away a garbage can?How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock?If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked?If athletes get athletes foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?If I save time, when do I get it back?If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?
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Waiter Joke
Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass? Waiter: It scares away the flies.
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Humor Joke
A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities. A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee. 'I just can't believe this, ' said the distraught husband. 'What's not to believe?' the detective said. 'It's right up there on the screen!' 'I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!' the husband replied.
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Witch Joke
Did you hear about the TV show with FBI agents and witches? It's called The Hex-Files.
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Medical Joke
What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm. . .
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Letter Joke
What word grows smaller when you add two letters to it? Add 'er' to short and it becomes shorter.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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