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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy store leicester sq and other funny jokes |
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Religion Joke
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seatnext to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face wasplastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin wassticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaperand began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turnedto the priest and asked, 'Say, Father, what causes arthritis?''My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wickedwomen, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man. ''Well, I'll be damned, ' the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man andapologized. 'I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?''I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does. '
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Dirty Joke
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
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Weird Facts
'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.
A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for 3 years.
Almonds are members of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
'I am. ' is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
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Bar Joke - 1
A man walks into a pub with a neck brace around his neck. He asks for a pint. The bartender gives him one. Then the man asks, 'Who's in the lounge?' The bartender replies. '15 people playing darts. ' The man says, 'Get them a pint too. 'Then he asks, 'Who's upstairs?' The bartender replies, '150 people at the disco. 'The man says, 'Get them a drink too. ' The bartender says, 'That will be $328 please. 'The man says, 'Sorry but I haven't got that much money on me. 'The bartender says, 'If you were at the pub a mile from here, they would of broke your neck. 'The man says, 'I've all ready been there. '
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Dumb Blonde Joke
A blonde has just bought a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, 'What's so funny?' She says, 'Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!'
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Pig Joke
Why did the little pig try to join the Navy? He loved to sing, 'Oinkers Aweight'
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Ethnic Joke - 2
What do you call an American with a lavatory on his head ? John.
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Cat Joke
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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