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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy store camden and other funny jokes |
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Priceless Joke
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlightaround, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player toplace in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the darksaying, 'Jesus is watching you. 'He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, andfroze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clickedthe light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just ashe pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear asa bell he heard, 'Jesus is watching you. 'Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for thesource of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, hisflashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' Hehissed at the parrot. 'Yep, ' the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warnyou. 'The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?''Moses, ' replied the bird. 'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of stupid people would namea parrot Moses?'The bird promptly answered, 'Probably the same kind of people thatwould name a Rotweiller 'Jesus'!
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Kids Fairy Tale Joke
he most famous legend of Saint George is of him slaying a dragon. In the Middle Ages the dragon was commonly used to represent the Devil. The slaying of the dragon by St George was first credited to him in the twelfth century, long after his death. It is therefore likely that the many stories connected with St George's name are fictitious.
There are many versions of story of St George slaying the dragon, but most agree on the following:
1. A town was terrorised by a dragon.
2. A young princess was offered to the dragon
3. When George heard about this he rode into the village
4. George slayed the dragon and rescued the princess
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Dance Joke
How do you see that a linedancer came from Belgium and not from the Netherlands? He wears the cardboard box on his boots.
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Cow Joke
What's a moo hoo for a young calf? A new moo!
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Bumper Stickers - 5
Men are like roses, watch out for all of the pricks.
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Strange Humor
The last four U. S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. 'WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?'Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:'I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage. ''No problem' says the Wizard, 'WHO IS NEXT?'Ronald Reagan steps forward, 'Well. . , Well. . , Well. . , I need a brain. ''Done' says the Wizard. 'Who comes next before the Great Wizard?'Up steps George Bush sadly, 'I'm told by the American people that Ineed a heart. ''I've heard it's true' says the Wizard. 'Consider it done. 'Then there is a great silence. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, 'WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?'And Willie replies - 'Is Dorothy around?'
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Drunks Joke
McAteer arrived at J. F. K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. 'No, ' replied McAteer. 'I've lost all me luggage!' 'How'd that happen?' 'The cork fell out, ' said the Irishman.
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Car and train Joke
When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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