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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy store bournemouth and other funny jokes |
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Cow Joke
Why are cpws made for dancing? They're all born hoofers!
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Bar Joke - 2
WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in dangerWinErr: 002 No Error - YetWinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrongWinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confusedWinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on driveWinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardwareWinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragmentsWinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happenedWinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox fullWinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MBWinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outsideWinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look insideWinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happenedWinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developersWinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh?WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of. WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore. WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all yoursoftware. We are terribly sorry. WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for thatWinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadeqaute. WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code. WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developersWinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors will be lost. WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automaticly be closed and the virus will be activated again. WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue. WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or recorded. WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedureWinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only '50
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Christmas Joke - 2
Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ? It was a moth ball !
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Car and train Joke
McAfee and Bracket were driving home after a big party. 'Hey, ' said McAfee, 'be sure to watch out for that bridge That's coming down the road toward us. ' 'What are you telling me to 'watch out' for?' asked Brackett. 'You're the one Who's driving!'
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Joke of the Day
A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, 'Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers. '
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Business Joke
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
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Law Joke
A man woke up in a Chicago hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked 'Give it to me straight. How long have I got?' The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said 'Call for my lawyer. '
When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind.
The man replied 'Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way. '
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Statistics and Math Joke
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. 'No no, ' says the physicist, 'there's a better way. ' He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material. Then the mathematician speaks up: 'No, no, there's an even better way. ' To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:'I define myself to be on the outside. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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