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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy stage hypnotist and other funny jokes |
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Sporting Joke
One morning, Bill and Bob were out playing a round of golf. The first hole was a long par four, with water to the left and a ravine to the right. Bob took out a brand new sleeve of balls, teed one up and put it right into the water. Not giving it a second thought, he pulled another ball from the sleeve and put that one right into the ravine. He then took the last ball from the sleeve and put that one into the water as well. As he reached into his bag and pulled out another brand new sleeve of balls, Bill asked, 'Bob, why don't you just hit an old ball?' 'Well, because I've never had an old ball,' Bob replied.
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Lawyer Joke
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?A: Shoot the lawyer twice. Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?A: A good start!Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?A: His lips are moving. Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?A: There are skid marks in front of the dog. Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?A: Professional courtesy. Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?A: Not enough sand. Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?A: To practice. A command was given to a dog: 'SPEAK!'The dog said in return: 'Not without my lawyer present!'Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlersQ: Why are there so many lawyers in the U. S. ?A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland. Q: What?s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?A: The lawyer charges more.
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Computer Joke
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is 'Bubba. '
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is. . .
1. The mouse is referred to as a 'critter. '
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Bumper Stickers - 6
T. G. I. F Thank God I'm Female.
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Blonde Joke - 1
A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit. They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature. The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said 'Oh i know. ' So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle. She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car. Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved. Then dissapered over it. The husband just stared at his wife and said 'Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?' His wife just said 'Hair Restorer with a permanent wave. '
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Silliest Joke
Did you hear about the gay Polak?He slept with women.
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Fun Funny Joke
A guy goes into a supermarket and buys: * one tin of beans * one bag of chips * one pack of burgers * one tub of ice cream * one cake * one case of beer * one pint of milk. He takes them over to the checkout, and the girl looks at what he has bought and asks if he is single. The guy replies sarcastically, 'Yes. However did you guess?'The girl replies: 'Simple. . . You are one ugly bastard!'
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Great Joke
A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it. Little Johnny handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, 'My mom says I can take the course as long as there's no homework.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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