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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy southampton and other funny jokes |
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Simple Joke
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?A. It doesn't last long enough!
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Top 100 Joke
On an Electrician's truck: 'Let us remove your shorts. ' Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: 'Best place in town to take a leak. 'In a Non-smoking area: 'If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. 'On Maternity Room door: 'Push, Push, Push. ' On a Front Door: 'Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog. 'At an Optometrist's Office: 'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. 'On a Scientist's door: 'Gone Fission' On a Taxidermist's window: 'We really know our stuff. ' In a Podiatrist's window: 'Time wounds all heels. ' On a Butcher's window: 'Let me meat your needs. ' On another Butcher's window: 'Pleased to meat you. ' At a Used Car Lot: 'Second Hand cars in first crash condition. ' On a fence: 'Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive. 'At a Car Dealership: 'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment. ' Outside a Muffler Shop: 'No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming. 'Outside a Hotel: 'Help! We need inn-experienced people. ' At an Auto Body Shop: 'May we have the next dents?' In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: 'Drop your pants here. ' On a desk in a Reception Room: 'We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left. ' In a Veterinarian's waiting room: 'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!' On a Music Teacher's door: 'Out Chopin. 'At the Electric Company: 'We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be. 'In a Beauty Shop: 'Dye now!'On the side of a Garbage Truck: 'We've got what it takes to take what you've got. ' (Burglars please copy. )On the door of a Computer Store: 'Out for a quick byte. 'In a Restaurant window: 'Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up. 'Inside a Bowling Alley: 'Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop. 'In a Cafeteria: 'Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want. 'On the door of a Music Library: 'Bach in a minuet. ' In the front yard of a Funeral Home: 'Drive carefully, we'll wait. ' In a Counselor's office: 'Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional. '
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Music Joke
How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Two TouristsTwo tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. 'Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are. . . very slowly?The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing. '
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Gorilla Joke
Which operetta make the Gorilla crack up? Nutty Marietta!
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Car and train Joke
Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice: The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one's exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers. Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.
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Music Joke
Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet? A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!
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Dentist Joke
What to do you call an old dentist? A bit long in the tooth
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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