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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
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and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy south london and other funny jokes |
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Practical Joke
It beats being an American. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe? A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins Own-an-eskimo scheme. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
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Stupid Men
Why did God create man?
He couldn't teach gorillas how to mow the lawn.
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Priceless Joke
What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?They both wiggle when you eat them.
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Bumper Stickers - 2
100% Irony Free
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Kids Puns
Rules that guys wished girls knew. . . . . . . . . . 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down. 3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to seeif he can find the perfect present!5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are preparedto discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks. 8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like ever other cat. 9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period. 10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of thetides. Let it be. 11. Shopping is not a sport. 12. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 13. You have enough clothes. 14. You have too many shoes. 15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it. 16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad's way past idiot. 17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 19. Pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you thinkwe'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?21. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers. 22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend. 24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 25. Check your oil. 26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do. 27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz inCosmo together. 29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become 'null' and void after 7 days. 30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of theways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. 32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want itdone - but not both. 35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right tocomplain about having their boobs stared at. 38. Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do. 39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines. 40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. 41. Anyone can buy condoms.
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Miscellaneous Joke
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life. Doctor: 'I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people. ' St. Peter: 'That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?' Nurse: 'I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult. ' St. Peter: 'Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?' Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: 'I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country. ' St. Peter: 'Oh, I see. Please go in. . but you can only stay two nights!'
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Cow Joke
What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
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Business Joke
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, 'Have you ever been arrested?' He answered, 'No. ' The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was 'Why?' The applicant answered it anyway: 'Never got caught. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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