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bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy shows in london and other funny jokes |
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Blonde Joke - 1
A blonde opened a hair salon next to a graveyard and named it ''Curl Up and Dye. ''
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Science Joke
What is the first symptom of AIDs?A hard, deep, pounding sensation in your ass.
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Miscellaneous Joke
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?A: When she has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
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School Joke for Kids
The Diet BREAKFAST 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz glass skim milkLUNCH 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo cookieMID-AFTERNOON SNACK rest of the package of Oreo cookies 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream 1 jar hot fudgeDINNER 2 loaves garlic bread 1 large pepperoni & mushroom pizza 1 large pitcher of beer 3 Milky Way candy bars 1 entire cheesecakeDIET TIPS 1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out. 3. When eating with someone else, calories dont count if you both eat the same amount. 4. Foods used for medicinal purpose have no calories. These include any chocolate used for energy, brandy, cheesecake, and ice cream. 5. Cookie pieces contain no calories, because breakage causes the calories to leak out. 6. If you eat food from someone else's plate, the calories don't count. 7. Movie related snacks are much lower in calories because they are part of the entertainment, and not ones of personal fuel.
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Weirdest Joke
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials InformationSystem ----------------------------------------------------------------------Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115lbs. ; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Largequantities found in urban areas and shopping malls. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: --------------------1. Surface Tension--soft and warm. 2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced. 3. Boils at nothing. 4. Freezes without reason. 5. Melts with special reason. 6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly. 7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to commonore. 8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points. 9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age. 10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance toreproduce with marked physical and mental changes. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: --------------------1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones. 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood. 4. Verbal activity greatly increased by alcohol saturation. 5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known (See HAZARDS, #3)COMMON USES: ------------1. Highly ornamental. 2. Relatively brief exposure can be a great aid to relaxation. 3. Pleasurable companion until legally owned. SUBSTANCE VERIFICATION: -----------------------1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state. 2. Turns green when compared to better specimen. HAZZARDS: ---------1. May explode spontaneously without cause. 2. Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time. 3. Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards: Normal
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At Work Joke
The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss. The brain said, 'I should be boss, since I control what the person thinks. ' The hands said, 'I should be boss because I do almost everything for the person. 'The legs declared, 'I shuld be boss since I carry the body and all the weight is on me. 'So they went on, each stating their qualities and uses. Then the Asshole spoke up, 'I think I should be boss, because. . 'He had not finished when everyone else started laughing at him. 'You, an asshole, be the boss? You gotta be kidding!'The asshole was very unhappy, and he closed himself up. The body soon suffered a terrible constipation, and the organs could not take it anymore. 'Ok, ok, you're the boss!' they gavein. So the asshole became the boss of the body. The moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss, you just need to be an asshole.
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Joke for Kids
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?A: To cover up the valve stem.
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Kids Puns
There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion. The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said 'Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin'. The doctor checks her out and says 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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