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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy show tickets and other funny jokes |
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Bible Joke
A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what God's name was. 'Oh That's easy, ' the man replied, 'His name is Andy. ' 'What make you think his name is Andy?' the angel asked incredulously. 'Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me. '
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Silliest Joke
One night, at a party, The host asked his guests:'How many here believe in ghosts?' Everyone put up their hand. 'How many have seen ghosts?'A lot of people put up their hand. 'How many have touched a ghost?'Five people put up their hands'How many have had sex with a ghost?'One person put up their hand. 'Well then, ' said the host, 'why don't you come up here and tell us all about it. 'The man walked up. 'So, how was your night with the ghost?' asked the host. 'Ghost?' Said the man, 'Sorry, I thought you said goat. '
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Military Joke
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out, 'Sir, Good Evening, Sir!' The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said 'Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?' Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied, 'Sir, Yes Sir!' The General continued, 'You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?' The Private didn't agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded, 'Sir, Yes Sir!' The General, pointing at the dog, 'This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train. ' The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again, and said, 'Sir, Yes Sir!' The General continued 'I got this dog for my wife. ' The Private simply said, 'Good trade, Sir!'
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Christmas Joke - 2
Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents? Elephanta Claus !
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Animal World
Why did the cactus cross the road?It was stuck to the dumb chickenSent by Robbie
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Ethnic Joke - 1
How do you sink a Polish submarine? You knock on the door.
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Love and Marriage Joke
Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. 'Oh Marie, ' she said to her maid, 'I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary. ' 'I don't believe it for one minute !' Marie snapped. 'You're just saying that to make me jealous !!!'
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Miscellaneous Joke
A new priest at his frist mass was so nervous he could heardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip. ' So the next Sunday the priest took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office he found the following note on the door. 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not get his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as J. C. and the boys. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say. . . he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T'. 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, 'Take this and eat it, for it is my body. ' He did not say, 'Eat me. '12. The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry. '13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the gurb, Yeah! God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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