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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy ringtones and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog? (hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem) A: Because it leaves residues at each Pole.
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Blonde Joke - 1
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? A: Kick open the car door. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room. Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: 'Are you boys all in the same band?'Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Because everybody gets a turn. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?A: Because she's been laid all over the country. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex ? A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?A: She drops her nail-file Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?A: Data transfer. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?A: A wine cellar. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?A: Peroxide. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?A: They both wriggle when you eat them. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?A: From crawling across the street when the sign said 'DON'T WALK'. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?A: In case she locks the keys in her car. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
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Idiot and fool Joke
How does a Russian Aeroflot pilot navigate? By reading street signs.
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Bar Joke - 2
There are only two things to worry about:Either you are well or you are sick. If you are well, there is nothing to worry about;but if you are sick, there are two things to worry about:either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about;if you die, there are only two things to worry about:either you will go to heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But, if you go to hell you'll be so darned busy shaking hands with friends you won't have time to worry. . .
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Kids Puns
A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun. 'Can I help you sir?, asked the shopkeeper'. Ah, yes. . . I want to buy a . 44 Magnum please. The shopkeeper informs the man that the . 44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for. The man replies, 'I want to shoot cans!'What? Cans! You don't need a . 44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper. The customer has enough and finally says, 'Shut up and give me the dang . 44 Mag. . . I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!
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Telephone Joke
Harry was madly in love with Betty, but couldn't pluck up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. 'Darling!' he blurted out, 'will you marry me?' 'Of course, I will, you silly boy, ' she replied, 'who is it speaking?'
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Best Joke Online
Temperatures and What They Mean 40 Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming. 35 Italian cars don't start. 32 Water freezes. 30 You can see your breath. Politicians begin to worry about the Homeless. 25 Boston water freezes. Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you. 20 Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream. You can hear your breath. 15 N. Y. City water freezes. Politicians begin to talk aobut the homeless. 12 You plan a vacation to Mexico. 10 Too cold to snow 5 You need jumper cables to get the car going. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. 3 You plan a vacation in Houston. 0 Too cold to skate. American cars don't start. -5 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. -10 Too cold to think. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. -15 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. -20 You plan a 2-week hot bath. -25 The mighty Monongahela freezes. Japanese cars don't start. -30 Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button. . . Below -30 The kids call home from college. End of the world. . .
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Never.
Never who?
Never mind - I'm fed up answering questions.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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