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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy releases and other funny jokes |
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Horse Joke
Horse behaviour:
CHEWING: Hey, it's YOUR stall so go ahead and do what you want to make it more 'homey'. Chew on your stall wall, the fence or any other wooden item . . . leave your own mark!
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always pull all of your hay out of the hay rack, especially right after your stall has been cleaned, so you can mix the hay with your fresh bedding. This challenges your human, the next time they're cleaning your stall - and we all know how humans love a challenge (that's what they said when they bought you as a two year old, right?).
DOORS: Any door, even partially open, is always an invitation for you and your human to exercise. Bolt out of the door and trot around, just out of reach of your human, who will frantically run after and chase you. The longer it goes on, the more fun it is for all involved.
FRESH BEDDING: It is perfectly permissible to urinate in the middle of your freshly bedded stall to let your humans know how much you appreciate their hard work.
GROUND MANNERS: Ground manners are very important to humans; break as much of the ground in and around the barn as possible. This lets the ground know who's boss and impresses your human.
HOLES: Rather than pawing and digging a BIG hole in the middle of the paddock or stall and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
NEIGHING: Because you are a horse, you are expected to neigh. So neigh - a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting the barn and communicating with other horses. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing you, 'Neigh, neigh, neigh. . . '
NUZZLING: Always take a BIG drink from your water trough immediately before nuzzling your human. Humans prefer clean muzzles. Be ready to rub your head on the area of your human that you just nuzzled to dry it off, too.
PLAYING: If you lose your footing while frolicking in the paddock, use one of the other horses to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself. Then the other horse will get a visit from the mean ol' vet, not you!
SNORTING: Humans like to be snorted on. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family horse, to accommodate them.
VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of horses. Rock back and forth on the cross-ties, neighing loudly and pawing playfully at this person. If the human backs away and starts crying, swoosh your tail, stamp your feet and nicker gently to show your concern.
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Free Adult Joke
What makes Britain so strong? Its the two-party system. One bigparty on every friday and another big party on every saturday
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Dumb Blonde Joke
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said. . . .
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
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Bumper Stickers - 5
It's time to pull over and let the air out of your brain.
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
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Funny Kids Joke
Q: What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?A: A catastrophe!Q: Who was the most powerful cat in China?A: Chairman Miaow!Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?A: A cat-a-logue!Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?A: An octopuss!Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross?A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!Q: When the cat's away. . . . . ?A: The house smells better!Q: Why was the cat so small?A: Because it only ate condensed milk!Q: Why did the cat cross the road?A: It was the chicken's day off!
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bosnia ! Bosnia who ? Bosnia bell here earlier !
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Ethnic Humor
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by theMaitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. 'Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?', he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, 'What'll it be?'The man replies, 'Give me a Stoli with a twist. 'The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles andsays, 'Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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