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bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy putney and other funny jokes |
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Weather Joke
What is the most popular sport played by raindrops and hail stones? -Diving
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Bumper Stickers - 7
You are driving to close I can see your bald spot.
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Heaven and hell Joke
Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, 'I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie. . . . Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, 'How many times did you cheat on your wife?' The first man replied, 'Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife. ' The Lord replied, 'Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation. To the second man the Lord asked, 'How many times did you cheat on your wife?' The second man replied, 'Lord, I cheated on my wife twice. ' The Lord replied, 'I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW. To the third man the Lord asked, 'So, how many times did y ou cheat on your wife?' The third man replied, 'Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times. ' The Lord replied, 'I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation. A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. 'Why are you crying?' the two men asked. 'You got the mansion and limo!' The first man replied, 'I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!'
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Monster Joke
Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes, that was one of his most striking achievements.
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Spoof Joke
Bumper stickers seen this weekend . . . . . You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me. I have the body of a god. . . . . . . . Buddha. This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me. Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult. The face is familiar but i can't quite remember my name. Illiterate? Write for help. Honk if anything falls off. He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit. This isn't my idea of a good time. It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. Uniquely maladjusted, but fun. This bumper sticker exploits illiterates. I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on disk somewhere. Oh, evolve!Gone crazy be back shortly. If you're not outraged you're not paying attention.
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Love and Marriage Joke
Sunny is almost 35 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Sunny just dates and dates.
Finally a friend asks him, 'What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?'
'No,' Sunny replies. 'I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!'
'Listen,' his friend suggests, 'Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?'
Sunny weeks go by and again Sunny and his friend get together.
So Sunny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?
Sunny shrugs his shoulders, 'Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends. '
'Are you and this girl engaged, yet?'
'I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!'
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Flies spread disease, keep yours closed!
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Easy to Remember Joke
There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the grandmother says sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs , you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that but, don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family. With that bit of advise, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. So, the next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said. But she said 'grandmother I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried I turned over, got on top of him and disgraced his family!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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