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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy programs and other funny jokes |
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King Kong Joke
What should you do if you are on a picnic with King Kong? Give him the biggest bananas.
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Sport Joke
A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning. His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before. 'Is that so?' the first said. 'Did he do a good job?''Well, I was on the course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot, ' he said. 'The ball most have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the stomach. That, ' he added, 'was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt. '
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Business Joke
The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them. Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, 'You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. ''Why would you say that?' wondered the broker. 'Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career. '
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Various animal Joke
Why don't whales eat sushi very often? Of course whales like sushi. It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
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Money Joke
How can you get rich by eating? Eat fortune cookies.
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Dieting Joke
IT'S NOT THE MINUTES SPENT AT THE TABLE THAT PUT ON WEIGHT, IT'S THE SECONDS.
A DIET IS WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO SOME LENGTH TO CHANGE YOUR WIDTH.
HOLLYWOOD'S FAVORITE DIET: STARVATION.
Diet slogan: TAKE CHARGE, DON'T BE LARGE.
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Lawyer Joke
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice. A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb. A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb. . . A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'Lawyer', and the party of the second part, also known as 'Light Bulb', do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e. , the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:1. ) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable. 2. ) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ('Receptacle'), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes. 3. ) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ('New Light Bulb'). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'Partnership. ' --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
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Redneck Joke
What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?A woman that won't do what she's told.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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