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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy plays in london and other funny jokes |
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Romance Joke
What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning? -Sends him to work.
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Pensioner Joke
Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, 'My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?'. The second guy says, 'Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit. ' So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to his buddy and says, 'Did you see it?'. 'Sure!', says his buddy. 'Where did it go?', the first guy asks. The second old man thinks for a minute and says, 'I can't remember. '
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Business Joke
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a
parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated
back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to FHA, he received the following reply: “Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you
prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared the Title to the proposed collateral property back to the year 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin. ”
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
“Your letter regarding Titles in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have Titles extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the
property arena, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U. S. from
France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U. S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that
He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. I hope you are satisfied. Now, may we have our Title?”
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Joke for Holidays
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down. 'Is this yours?' he asked. She said, 'Yes, could you bring it up?' and the man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, 'I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?' He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, 'I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?'The man hesitated then said, 'Do you act like this with every man you meet?''No, ' she replied, 'Only those who catch my eye!'
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College Humor
Why do men name their penises?Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions!
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Medical Joke
What is red and sticky and crawls up a girls thigh?A home-sick abortion.
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Blonde Joke - 1
A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? Q. They think their picture is being taken.
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Joke for Kids
A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance. 'I will give you three questions, ' said the coach. 'If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team. ''Fair enough!' said the Polak eagerly. The coach proceeded, 'Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?''Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, 'So how many days in the week that start with 'T'?'The Polak said, 'Two!''Very good!' said the coach. And what are they?''Today and Tomorrow!''Hmm. . . OK, ' said the coach. 'How many seconds are there in a year?''Twelve!''Twelve? How did you come up with twelve?' The coach was perplexed. 'Well, ' said the Polak, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, the second of. . . ''Um. . OK, ' broke in the coach. 'How many d's in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'''Oh, that is easy!' laughed the Polak. 'Three hundred and sixty-five!''WHAT?' cried the coach. 'How did you get that figure?'To which the Polak sang, 'dee dee dee-dee-dee dee-dee. . . . '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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