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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy of power and other funny jokes |
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Funny Joke Online
Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
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School Joke
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
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Kids Puns
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster. The current rooster was still doing okay, but he was getting on in years, and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium and turns him loose in the barn yard. The old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. 'So, they're trying to replace me', thinks the old rooster. 'I've got to do something about this'. He walks up to the new bird and says, 'So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself'. The young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. 'You're on' said the young rooster. 'And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy, ' said the young rooster. The two roosters went to the hen house to start the race and all the hens gathered to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Sadly, the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster. By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barn yard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. As he walks away slowly, he says to himself. . . . . . . . 'Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month!'
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Women Joke
One Day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived, and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach the step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reaches back and unzipps her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reaches back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reaches back and unzips her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifts up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrased the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turns around furiously and says, How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you! Shocked, the man says, Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.
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Animal World
During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placeda winning bid told the auctioneer, 'I'm paying a fortunefor that parrot. I hope he talks as well as you say hedoes. ''I guarantee it, madam, ' replied the auctioneer. 'Who doyou think was bidding against you?'
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Elderly People Joke
An elderly couple walk into a doctor's office. The man tells the doctor, 'Doctor, we want to have a baby. ' The doctor replies, 'At your age I don't think it's possible, but I'll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample. ' So the couple comes back a few days later. They give the doctor an empty jar. The doctor says, 'I was afraid of this. ' The old man says, 'No, it's not what you think. I tried it with my left hand. I tried it with my right hand. She tried it with her left hand. She tried it with her right hand. She tried it with her teeth in. She tried it with her teeth out. But we couldn't get the lid off the jar. '
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Short Stupid Joke
Very Short Books. . . 1) Outdoor activities in Chernobyl2) Hot Scenic Real-estate opportunities on top of Mt St. Helens3) Investment opportunities in worm futures for the deceased4) Ballerina lessons for men with size 13 or larger feet5) Defensive Driving tips for the Blind6) Contraceptive tips for Nuns7) Delicious Beef Recipes for Hindus8) Mutual Fund Investment strategies for compulsive gamblers9) Cooking with Pork Fat for Vegetarians10) GreenPeace Guide for Buying Quality Baby Seal coats11) GreenPeace Guide to Preparing Fast & Easy Whale Dishes12) Jewish and Arab Friendship Customs13) Human Rights organizations in Libya14) Democracy Debate clubs in Cuba15) Applying for Tibetan Vendors Permits16) Applying for Flight Clearance over The White House17) Guide to Redneck Gay Bars18) Guide to NeoNazis Jewish Friendship Centers19) Famous Native American Judges, Senators and Presidents20) Famous Black Canadian Hockey Players21) Famous Hillbilly Physics22) Guide to apply for Pan Handling Permit in Singapore23) Street guide to most original graffiti in Singapore24) Country Singers who have appeared at Carnegie Hall25) Sports Illustrated's Gay Mens Swimsuit Edition26) How to start you own part time Hospital from home27) Guide to Gay NBA, NFL, AFL & NHL Teams28) E-mail address directory for the homeless29) All Night Libyan Moshe pits30) List of Fine Wines from Iran
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Funny Famous Joke
A wife was having coffee with a girlfriend of hers when she confided to her, 'Our marriage has never been that great, but this year has been the absolute worst between my husband and I. Harry often yells at me, criticizes me, puts me down, plus he never helps out with anything around the house, and I keep getting the feeling that he's screwing his secretary. I can't eat, I can't sleep. . . in fact, I've already lost eight pounds this month alone!''Well, why don't you dump the bastard?!?' her friend said. To which the wife replied, 'Oh, I plan to do that, but first I want to get my weight down to 115 pounds. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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