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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy nights leeds and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Kids
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?A: One's a busy ditch.
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Math Joke
It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: 'Will we ever need this stuff in real life?'
The professor gently smiles at him and says: 'Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's!'
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Totally Weird Joke
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho MarxWe in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho MarxI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho MarxPolitics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. - Groucho MarxEighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie MasonPerfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands. . . but English women only hope to find in their butlers. - W. Somerset MaughamThere's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavranMarriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful. - Phyllis McGinleyMen have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. - H. L. MenckenBachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. - H. L. MenckenWe must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. - H. L. MenckenLove is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another. - H. L. MenckenLove is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them. - H. L. MenckenMan is a natural polygamist. He always has one woman leading him by the nose and another hanging on to his coattails. - H. L. MenckenWhenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage, they are giving evidence at an inquest. - H. L. MenckenLove cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. - Dr. Karl MenningerA lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house. - MoliereMarriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - MontaigneA good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - MontaigneIf a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings. - Lisa Moriyama, July '3
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Funny College Joke
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. Charlotte Whitton Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time. . . they're gone. Lenny Bruce I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine. Mel Gibson I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against. David Niven One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. Edgar Watson Howe Brigands demand your money or your life, women require both. Samuel Butler
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Warped Humor Joke
Who does a ghoul fall in love with? His ghoul friend.
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Dog Joke - 2
When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what should you do? Take the words right out of his mouth.
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Business Joke
'I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance . . . she leaned over and pushed me. '
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Worst Joke
Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said 'I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be. ' 'Great!' said the first guy, 'I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!' 'No problem, ' replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. 'And what do you want to be, ' St. Peter asked the other guy. 'I'd like to be one cool stud!' was the reply. 'Easy, ' replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone. After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. 'You'll find them easily, ' he says, 'One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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