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bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy night liverpool and other funny jokes |
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Snowman Joke
What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman? Have an ice day!
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Bumper Stickers - 5
If you can read this,you were hooked on phonics once. . .
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Baby Joke
Mum, are the Smiths very poor people? I don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask? Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin
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Strange Humor
Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin!
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School Joke for Kids
Forrest Gump - Life is like a Box of chocolates. . . Forrest Dahmer - People are like a box of chocolate, YUM!Forrest (Homer)Simpson - Mmmmm, chocolateForrest the Hun - Chocolate all mine!Forrest Simmons - Chocolate is bad!, EXERCISE EXERCISE!Forrest Rivera - People who like Chocolate. . Next on 'Forrest'Forrest Shakespeare - Chocolate, or no chocolate that's the questionForrest Of Borg - All chocolates must be assimilatedForrest Presley - Hunk a hunk of milk chocolateForrest Zen - I am one with the chocolateForrest McClaine - I used to be a box of ChocolatesForrest Ventura - Chocolates. . Alll-Riighty then. . . Forrest Lauper - People just wanna have chocolateForrest Turner - What's chocolate gotta do, gotta do with it?Forrest Bones - D*@!* Jim, I'm a Dr. , not a box of chocolateForrest Spock - Logically speaking, we are all chocolateForrest Scotty - The box, she's breaking apart Capt'nForrest Butler - Frankly Scarlett, I don't like chocolateForrest O'Hara - Tomorrow, is another box of chocolates. Forrest Lee - Fight with your inner chocolateForrest Clinton - I didn't inhale the cream centersForrest Davidson - I will inhale the cream filled centersForrest Doo - Roinks Raggy, Rocolates!Forrest Marx - That's the weirdest box of chocolates I've ever seen. Forrest Nicholson - You want chocolate, you can't handle chocolateForrest Copperfield - Poof, the chocolates are gone!Forrest Noah - 2 creams, 2 nuts, 2 coconuts, 2 peanut butterForrest on phonics - Lief es lyk a boks uv chakoletsForrest PsychicLine - Yes, I knew you were a chocolateForrest Alimony - The Box is mine!Forrest Andrews - The Hills are alive. . like a box of chocolatesForrest Costello - Who's eating chocolate?Forrest Abbott - No, who is not eating chocolateForrest Vader - Luke, I am your chocolateForrest Yoda - There is a dark chocolate, and a light chocolate.
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Best Joke Online
Two guys are out hunting deer. . . The first guy says, 'Did you see that?. . . pointing to the sky. ''No, ' the second guy says. 'Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!' the first guy says. 'Oh, ' says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says, 'Did you see that?''See what?' the second guy asks. 'Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there!''Yah, Ok', says the second guy again with a bit of irritation in his voice. A few minutes later the first guy says: 'Did you see that?'This time pointing behind them. By now, the second guy is getting very aggravated and says, 'Yah, I SAW IT!'And the first guy says: 'Then why did you step in it?'
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Miscellaneous Joke
A little corporate humor----------------------I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, 'Why the spoons?''Well, ' he explained, 'our parent company recently hired some AndersenConsulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and aftermonths of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons dropspoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time. . . nearly 1. 5 extra man-hours per shift. Just as he concluded, a 'ch-ching' came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket. 'I'll grab another spoon the next time I'm in the kitchen instead ofmaking a special trip, ' he proudly explained. I was impressed. 'Thanks. I had to ask. ''No problem, ' he answered, then he continued to take our orders. As the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes dartedback & forth from each person ordering and my menu. That's when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread protruding from our waiter's fly. Again, I dismissed it; yet I had to scan the room and, sure enough, there were other waiters & busboys with strings hanging out of their trousers. My curiosity overrode discretion at this point, so before he could leave I had to ask. 'Excuse me, but. . . uh. . . why, or what. . . about that string?''Oh, yeah' he began in a quieter tone. 'Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men's room, too. ' 'How's that, I asked?''You see, by tying a string to the end of our, eh. . . , selves, we canpull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminatethe need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over93%!' 'Oh, that makes sense, ' I said, but then thinking through theprocess, I asked, 'Hey, wait a minute. If the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?''Well, ' he whispered, 'I don't know about the other guys; but I usethe spoon in my pocket'!
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Love and Marriage Joke
John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
'I'll be ready in a few minutes,' she said. 'Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting?' He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through. '
The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through--over the balcony railing. Just then John's date walked out.
'Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?'
'To tell the the truth, ' he replied, 'Spot seemed a little depressed to me!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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