|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of comedy mask and other funny jokes |
|
Short Stupid Joke
'ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION':You'll be making under $6 an hour. - - - - -'ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY':You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year. - - - - -'AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY':There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft. - - - - -'PROFIT-SHARING PLAN':Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left. - - - - -'COMPETITIVE SALARY:'We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. - - - - -'JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:'We have no time to train you. (and/or)Please introduce yourself to your co-workers. - - - - -'NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:'Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago. - - - - -'IMMEDIATE OPENING:'The person who had this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad. - - - - -'SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:'We're can't supply you with leads; (and/or)there's no base salary to speak of; (and/or)you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check. - - - - -'SELF-MOTIVATED:'Don't expect Management to answer questions- - - - -'WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS:'After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $35 co-pay.
= = = = = = = = = =
Drunks Joke
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, 'I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk. 'Our wasted friend asked, 'Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?'Yeah, buddy, I'm sure, ' said the copper. 'Let's go. 'Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, 'Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Bar Joke - 2
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. 'Dear, ' she chirped, 'I think it's time to tell him he's adopted. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Sad Joke
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened. Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom. Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one. You start introducing yourself as 'Jim at net dot com' Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like. All of your friends have an @ in their names. When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple. Your dog has its own home page. You can't call your mother. . . She doesn't have a modem. You check your mail. It says 'no new messages. ' So you check it again. Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick. You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL. You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask. Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months You wake up at 3 a. m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. You tell the kids they can't use the computer because 'Daddy's got work to do' -- even though you don't have a job. You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse. Your wife makes a new rule: 'The computer cannot come to bed. ' You get a tattoo that says 'This body best viewed with Netscape 3. 0 or higher. ' You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP. . . because you never log off. The last girl you picked up was only a GIF. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage. . . so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat. As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the 'back' button.
= = = = = = = = = =
Political Joke
How do you stop a taliban tank ?Shoot the Guy Pushing it
= = = = = = = = = =
Joke for Speeches
A - Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. B - BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning. C - COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. D - DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting. E - EMPTY NEST: See 'WISHFUL THINKING. 'F - FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew. G - GUM: Adhesive for the hair. H - HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers. I - INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. J - JUNK: Dad's stuff. K - KISS: Mom's medicine. L - LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and next a profit of 15 cents. M - MAYBE: No. N - Nail Polish: part of an assortment of make-up items such as lipstick, eyeliner, blush etc. which ironically make Mom look better while making her young daughter look 'like a tramp. 'O - OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad. P - PANIC: What a mother goes through when the darn wind-up swing stops. Q - QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college. R - REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen. S - SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma. T - TOWELS: See 'FLOOR COVERINGS'. U - UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident. V - VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too. W - WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room. X - XOXOXOXOXO: Mom salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid's lunch box even more mortifying. Y - 'YIPPEE!': What mother's shout the first day of school. Z - ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.
= = = = = = = = = =
Bumper Stickers - 7
Without pain and suffering you have no choice!
= = = = = = = = = =
Blind Joke
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when a dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in his pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A passerby remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the dog had done. 'Not at all, ' said the blind man. 'I only wanted to find out which end to kick. '
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
