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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy lounge manchester and other funny jokes |
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Aviation Joke
The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that they didn't get along. After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, ' I don't like Chinese. ' The F. O. replied, ' Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why is that? ' The Captain said, ' You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese. ' The F. O. said, ' Nooooo, noooo . . . Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That JAPANESE, not Chinese. ' And the Captain answered, ' Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese . . . it doesn't matter. They're all alike. ' Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer said, ' No like Jew. ' The Captain replied, ' Why not? Why don't you like Jews? ' ' Jews sink Titanic. ' Said the F. O. The Captain tried to correct him, ' No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg. ' ' Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg . . no mattah . . all same '
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Computers Joke
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying 'NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT OWN RISK!' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, 'What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season. ' 'Well, sure, ' said the patrolman, 'But you can't bait 'em. '
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Women Joke
Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth? Fred: I don't know, Sir. Teacher: Come on, Fred, it has something to do with an apple. Fred: Granny Smith?
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Cat Joke
What noise does a cat make going down the highway ? Miaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow !
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Armageddon ! Armageddon who ? Armageddon getting out of here !
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Waiter Joke
Waiter, there is a worm on my plate ! That's not a worm sir, it's your sausage ?
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Best Joke Online
A doctor walks into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulls a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tries to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said. . . 'Well that's great, just great. . . some asshole's got my pen!'
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Answer me this Joke
Can you repeat the part after 'Listen very carefully'?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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