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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy hypnosis and other funny jokes |
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Aviation Joke
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
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Kids Puns
What do you get when you cross a Rotweiler with a Collie?A dog who bites off your arm and go's to get help.
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Camping Joke
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, 'The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind. ' They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, 'Do you know where we are?' 'I think so, ' replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!'
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Boys Lie!
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Bar Joke - 1
A man walks into a dimly lit bar and the bartender asks him 'Why is the front of your shirt all bloody'
His customer answers in a slurred voice 'My wife caught me with another woman and cut off my penis. '
'Oh come on' replies the bartender.
The customer then says 'If you don't believe me, I'll show you. '
He proceeds to rifle through his suitcase and pulls out this long thin thing and lays it on the bar.
The bartender bends down and looks closely and says 'Why this is just a cigar'.
The customer looks puzzled and says 'I have it here somewhere' and proceeds to fumble through his other pockets and comes up with another long thin thing and placing it on the bar, and says ' See that'.
The bartender again inspects it closely and says 'You asshole that's just another cigar. '
Now the customer staggers backward and steadies himself , leaning on the bar and with awareness in his shaky voice says 'Son of a bitch, I must have smoked it!'
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Doctor Joke
A woman went to doctors office where she was seen by one of the new doctors. After about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down in another room and told her to relax. The older doctor marched down hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, 'What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?'
The new doctor calmly continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, 'Does she still have the hiccups?'
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Food and Drink Joke
The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called 'The Fission Chips. 'On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack. A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry. A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills. The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate. A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing. Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you. Sign in restaurant window: 'Eat now - Pay waiter. 'I thought you were trying to get into shape?I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle.
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Law Joke
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client.
“Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you. ”
“Fair to both?!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What do you think I hired a lawyer for?”
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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